Eternal Wonderings 2

When I was little I sang in the choir There were Quakers and Methodists Catholic school friends, there were Jewish Friends and dinners and the chanting of Buddhist monks. Om Shanti. my own Prayer chants created in the nights. “Divine One let me honor You in all that I do Let me stay close to you and when I die Let me return to You.” When I was told I had 8 months to live, I took a deep breath and looked up at The indigo heavens and wondered Are You there? then specialists claimed My body with their brightly lite glasses, Intense eyes, their needles and thread Told me there was a chance, they did not Have a cure but a transitory retrieve I pondered my peace for I was not sure How they spoke to me with tight lips And shaking heads deep held breathes They repeated their help over and over again Finally I gave in calling out from my husband, my friends All of the radiation and chemo, pills and infusions Called by the sickess a Cancer Kill, intense deadly Another fight an lnfection that raged in my blood again And I asked. “Divine One let me honor You in all That I do, Let me stay close to You and When I die let me return to You” There I walked with my friend to the window and gazed at the cemetary off of Paul Sweet Drive And I was not afraid, it seemed quiet and soft The green bushes, the Redwood trees, the stone Building designed for peace in the light winds I spoke to You again most nights as I do now I do not ask for help, I do not ask for life I ask for peace, I ask for humanity to Become kind but I do not ask this of the Divine I ask this from mankind, I suspect the energy that flows In the universe has it own path and pattern I am just a speck of eternal dust that creates and Admends as the energy of the Universe demands All the counseling, the work with the Homeless, the prisons, the reading, The tutoring, the games, all gone, Still I fight to become and be what Thou may wish for me and I chant my Own chant alone at night I sleep and hope I could hear You if even in a sigh as You watch This all an eternal creation In our struggle to be. And I ask.“Divine One let me honor You in all That I do, Let me stay close to You and When I die let me return to You” Yet I have wondered do You hear me do You listen, do You care, will I join You to be Sent out to the universe that shrinks and expands Eternal light, as a star or whisper of energy To meet -- to be what I must become again In whatever form the Universe demands