Escaping My Needs
All I know is that I wanted to run away.
At some point I couldn't make a decision on
My own because my distorted mind had control.
I tried so hard to try to suppress it or avoid it
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. My mind said no.
I didn’t know how to move past it. There was
A sense of confusion between my past and present
And who I was didn’t seem to know the difference.
I tried so hard to to focus. To focus on what was in front
Of me but it was everything. It was everything
And I didn’t even know what it was about. All I wanted
To do was run away. I tried to because I knew that when
I didn’t, I forgot where I was and where I was going.
It seemed like no one could help me but myself but even
I didn’t know how to help myself. Each moment I saw them, my
Heart cried because it was my heart and mind over me. I, didn’t
Want them to love me but every part of me did.
The reason why I tried to run is because I knew that
Having control was the most important thing but
I would soon see that every part of me was falling
Into the cracks of them. Each day that I walked I
Saw them and it only aggravated things.
Eyes say it all. Eye contact goes so far. Eye contact
Can bring emotions and conversations never felt or spoken.
I guessed that was why clients were always
Asked to lie down during session. What was,
What is, what I need and what I want. It’s all a
Distorted memory but I just wanted to conquer it all.
Love conquers all. So I thought that if I let it
Just happen then maybe I would overcome it but no.
No was the correct answer because the only person
That could solve it all is and was God. I would soon
Find out but not as soon as I thought. Hundreds of articles
To find out that I wasn’t the crazy one. That I was normal
But a needy vagabond wanting to be loved. I needed
Him is what I soon would know and be relieved to
Find out. And that this was all on purpose,
All a part of my Destiny.
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