Carl Halling | + Follow Poet |
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Englishman, Jackadandy, Spy

He made no move at all 
As the alarm clock went off. 
But ten minutes later, 
It was obvious he was awake. 
He lifted himself out of bed 
And went towards the bathroom.
He shaved himself 
With a Gillette Techmatic 
After having sploshed himself 
With a double handful 
Of icy cold water. 
He washed again, dried his face,
Put on some Monsieur de Gauviche
And got dressed. 
He wore a Brutus shirt, 
A Tonik suit and a pair of 
Shiny brown boots.
He was six foot two, 
And he smoked sixty Players 
Medium Navy Cut cigarettes 
A day, and he lit each one 
With a Ronson lighter.
His name was Titus Hardin, 
And he had the biggest 
Wardrobe in London.
                                                                    
He was a fair-haired man 
And very good-looking.
He was thirty two years old 
And a bachelor,
And lived near Richmond, Surrey.
He was immaculate, 
Wore long sideboards 
And a long moustache, 
And his hair was shortish 
And well-combed. 
His shirt was light blue, 
And he wore a dark blue tie. 
He wore two rings on each hand. 
He washed himself 
After his usual breakfast 
Of toast, black coffee and health pills.  
He cleaned his teeth thoroughly, 
Put some more cologne on, 
And then went to do 
His isometrics.
His name was Titus Hardin, 
And he had the biggest 
Wardrobe in London.  
                                                                    
He was born in London in 1940. 
He went to Eton and Oxford, 
Had taught at Oxford for eight years 
But was sacked. 
He had been an Oxford Rowing Blue, 
And got a degree in English, Art and History. 
His father was Lord Alfred Hardin, M.P. 
Titus loved teaching, 
And not many people know the reason 
For his dismissal at the age of thirty one. 
He was nearly expelled from Eton 
For smoking, drinking, 
And being head of a secret society 
With secret oaths, but he was 
Too promising a sportsman, 
And all the boys respected him 
As a prefect.
He was a fair-haired man 
And very good-looking.
He was thirty two years old 
And a bachelor,
And lived near Richmond, Surrey.
His flat was beautifully furnished.
His name was Titus Hardin, 
And he had the biggest wardrobe in London.

(This jackadandy's original title was "An Essay Written by a Guy Who Was Too Lazy to Finish It", and it dates from my mid-teens.)

Copyright © Carl Halling | Year Posted 2015

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