Dysfunctional Dish-Functional

when I was married some years ago, my wife then thought, for some reason that she was the boss and I was there for wifely pleas'in she sleep late everyday, was truely much too lazy she'd order me to do so many things, I swear I'd be sure to proove this lady was d_mn crazy... I was not allowed any money certainly not for cigarettes or beer this seemed to me a little funny it seemed a little ***** one day she ordered me to do the dishes after I been ordered to cook the meal, it seemed to me she was goin' too far' it seemed just so unreal... so while she laid in bed munching chips she was sure I'd do the dishes she was sure I'd obey her wishes if I ever wanted to "kipse her luby rips" well, I may not be so bright, I may not be so brave, but, put my hands in dishwater? I'd rather dig myself a grave... I told her to buzz off... and do them all herself! I mean, I had just done the cooking... what'd she think? I was the cobbler's elf? well, we one day parted ways, and some wonder if these I might miss, I said- "you mean those miserable old days? I'd rather bathe in piss!!"