Dysfunctional

Dysfunctional 7/1/14 I am an only child but I wasn't a lonely one. Some days I think it would've been better to have had a younger brother or sister to torture and somehow be an example to. Funny how younger siblings are like puppies. Always coming back for more - with adoration oozing from their pores. At what age do they halt seeking attention or acceptance? Love is always there regardless of how we treat each other, right? I find the family dynamic unparalleled. How can you fiercely love and hate someone so completely at the same time? And so it goes with ties that bond. "I won't speak to you for 30 years!" Who says that? There is no logic in the twisted web of blood. I find no solace in my past. Snippets of joy sprinkled into buckets of pain. Even still, I have learned over the years to forgive. For my own sanity and for the sake of my possible future family - Or I will be destined to repeat the demented cycle. Perhaps it doesn't matter and all families share some cruel genetics. Some innate ability to dish out the worst punishment - emotional cuts so deep they will never heal. I know I'm not alone is this thinking, although I'm an only child. I observe and digest a world of hurt and anguish with no light at the end of this terrifying tunnel. My stomach hurts and my head burns. It's no wonder people anesthetize to numbness. To feel is to be aware - thus ignorance is a sort of beauty all its own. I would never want to be a mind reader. I'm not sure I could handle the truth.