Duhhh Depression

I'm determined to get better Intent on improving If you saw where I was You would shriek and gasp what are you doing At 7 countries counseling clinic This process I'm ready to begin it Cause the longer I wait The longer it'll take For things to get back straight You gotta want it And I want it badly Hands matching my heart Anxious, arty, and ashy Slept on since I woke up in the world Even the doctors looked past me It's January and I'm uploading pics from July on IG But people still add me Cause all of a sudden They're interested Cause happy Johnny is Kool But depressed Johnny is epic Getting better is the goal But it's a lot of black to go through Heaps and heaps of charcoal Attitude swole Trynna swim through You and I are tired of my moping And I feel like I'm being chastised I'm chokin Why me Why was I chosen Bout to turn 20 And things get ballistic and bloody I just wanna get better I just want a little bit more money Only thing that's keeping me afloat Is my hot and humble honey How do you feel alone in a building full of people They down you and degrade you When they're pose to be your equals Facial expressions are like bullets Words are like needles And they keep stabbin and stabbin Everything is ha ha numerous But I am not laughin How do you feel dark In the middle of the daytime I wake up and feel fine Roll to my right and kiss my love that is mine But moments quickly pass And so does the time And I be ready to bust out cryin A quarter till 9 People act like a grown man wheepin Is a sign of weakness or a crime But if I'm not 100 I'm not gone be sitting up here lyin I don't just get stabbed in the back I get sliced In the spine Woah I dealt with this 8 years ago But the higher you go up in age The more you feel more low Motley says some fire head will help Motley says a good nutt will help But how I pose to cumm When I can't come to a conclusion The world is so dark I'm forreal not fooling When the lil sliver of light does come around It's safe feeling and soothing New Year's Eve was a day to forget All tears no sweat Hopefully the darkest life will ever get Crying like I just lost a million dollar bet Crying like my team is down 2 And I have the mindset that it's already over Thank god tears don't have an odor Cause Motleys breast blade would be fonky I'm up here boohoo'n while she's holding me She let go for a hot lil minute And I almost fell on the floor and became a rollie pollie I told wife later on that day And she thanked Motley the next Little did I know while I was crying Wifey was crying 1.4 miles away Lord Jesus love is so complex Take me as i am Take me as me All the inches standing short 2 quarters and 63 I don't wanna feel like this when I'm 63 Not even when I'm 23 Not even when I'm 20 Cause days till I turn 20 I have 63 Some days be pitch black Both in reality and figuratively Onlookers asking what's wrong Trynna figure me Belittle me Strip me down to my emotions Without even undressing Everyone is living their life What's the use of impressing But I gotta keep pressing There's no other way to put it This is flat out cold dog hard depression Quit holding stuff in Johnathen I'm slowly learning my lesson Thank you Johnny for understanding Acknowledging the problem And immediately start planning Thank you Motley for your new year eve events And also thank you for the advice But I owe a thousand thank you's and kisses To the wonderful Whitney my wife