Duhhh Depression
I'm determined to get better
Intent on improving
If you saw where I was
You would shriek and gasp what are you doing
At 7 countries counseling clinic
This process
I'm ready to begin it
Cause the longer I wait
The longer it'll take
For things to get back straight
You gotta want it
And I want it badly
Hands matching my heart
Anxious, arty, and ashy
Slept on since I woke up in the world
Even the doctors looked past me
It's January and I'm uploading pics from July on IG
But people still add me
Cause all of a sudden
They're interested
Cause happy Johnny is Kool
But depressed Johnny is epic
Getting better is the goal
But it's a lot of black to go through
Heaps and heaps of charcoal
Attitude swole
Trynna swim through
You and I are tired of my moping
And I feel like I'm being chastised
I'm chokin
Why me
Why was I chosen
Bout to turn 20
And things get ballistic and bloody
I just wanna get better
I just want a little bit more money
Only thing that's keeping me afloat
Is my hot and humble honey
How do you feel alone in a building full of people
They down you and degrade you
When they're pose to be your equals
Facial expressions are like bullets
Words are like needles
And they keep stabbin and stabbin
Everything is ha ha numerous
But I am not laughin
How do you feel dark In the middle of the daytime
I wake up and feel fine
Roll to my right and kiss my love that is mine
But moments quickly pass
And so does the time
And I be ready to bust out cryin
A quarter till 9
People act like a grown man wheepin
Is a sign of weakness or a crime
But if I'm not 100
I'm not gone be sitting up here lyin
I don't just get stabbed in the back
I get sliced In the spine
Woah
I dealt with this 8 years ago
But the higher you go up in age
The more you feel more low
Motley says some fire head will help
Motley says a good nutt will help
But how I pose to cumm
When I can't come to a conclusion
The world is so dark
I'm forreal not fooling
When the lil sliver of light does come around
It's safe feeling and soothing
New Year's Eve was a day to forget
All tears no sweat
Hopefully the darkest life will ever get
Crying like I just lost a million dollar bet
Crying like my team is down 2
And I have the mindset that it's already over
Thank god tears don't have an odor
Cause Motleys breast blade would be fonky
I'm up here boohoo'n while she's holding me
She let go for a hot lil minute
And I almost fell on the floor and became a rollie pollie
I told wife later on that day
And she thanked Motley the next
Little did I know while I was crying Wifey was crying 1.4 miles away
Lord Jesus love is so complex
Take me as i am
Take me as me
All the inches standing short
2 quarters and 63
I don't wanna feel like this when I'm 63
Not even when I'm 23
Not even when I'm 20
Cause days till I turn 20
I have 63
Some days be pitch black
Both in reality and figuratively
Onlookers asking what's wrong
Trynna figure me
Belittle me
Strip me down to my emotions
Without even undressing
Everyone is living their life
What's the use of impressing
But I gotta keep pressing
There's no other way to put it
This is flat out cold dog hard depression
Quit holding stuff in Johnathen
I'm slowly learning my lesson
Thank you Johnny for understanding
Acknowledging the problem
And immediately start planning
Thank you Motley for your new year eve events
And also thank you for the advice
But I owe a thousand thank you's and kisses
To the wonderful Whitney my wife
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