Double Talk
The gardener said once I’ve chopped down this tree
Perhaps I could tidy your bush for a fee
Where the girl hit him is covered in bandage
He’s stood in the dock charged with suggestive language
The gardener issued a not guilty plea
He said she had asked me to fell a big tree
But seemed to think I couldn't cope with just me
So I told her I had a big tool she should see
The judge pointed out that misplaced sexual chatter
In these modern times is a serious matter
Besides said the judge, once the tree had been downed
She asked you to work, not just stand around
But Judge, said the gardener, I’m not a linguist
I can’t speak like you because I’m not distinguished
Besides, when she said there’s a sign she wants hanging
I only said that might mean screwing and banging
I told her that later (and I’m not a fibber)
I might sow my seed when I get out my dibber
Don’t know what possessed her to go get a copper
When I was just standing there holding my chopper
Epilogue...
The judge said I’m going to lay down the law
(A young police woman tried not to guffaw)
I’ll hand you a sentence for what you have done
The girl shouted give him a really stiff one
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