Double Talk

The gardener said once I’ve chopped down this tree Perhaps I could tidy your bush for a fee Where the girl hit him is covered in bandage He’s stood in the dock charged with suggestive language The gardener issued a not guilty plea He said she had asked me to fell a big tree But seemed to think I couldn't cope with just me So I told her I had a big tool she should see The judge pointed out that misplaced sexual chatter In these modern times is a serious matter Besides said the judge, once the tree had been downed She asked you to work, not just stand around But Judge, said the gardener, I’m not a linguist I can’t speak like you because I’m not distinguished Besides, when she said there’s a sign she wants hanging I only said that might mean screwing and banging I told her that later (and I’m not a fibber) I might sow my seed when I get out my dibber Don’t know what possessed her to go get a copper When I was just standing there holding my chopper Epilogue... The judge said I’m going to lay down the law (A young police woman tried not to guffaw) I’ll hand you a sentence for what you have done The girl shouted give him a really stiff one