Don'T Try Anymore

It’s two in the morning, 
And I wander off into old memories, 
Starting to think about,
How I thought it would end.

I can’t lie to myself,
I felt it would end in heartbreak,
But I never ceased to dream.

Even though our every meeting,
Was overshadowed by a cloud,
Of my anxiety and insecurties,
I felt happy to be there with
You.

And then you said those magic words to me.

I’ll miss you, I’ll visit you,
And suddenly everything seemed to fall into place.
Those words justified my fantasies.

The idea of us parting on my last day here,
Of you saying that you didn’t want me to leave,
You wanting me to stay,
You wanting me to come back,
You wanting anything at all.

But life had a different ending in mind.

One which would show me that,
You never cared for me at all,
You abandoned me well ahead of time,
You felt nothing towards me.

And still I waited.
Because I thought that patience
In the face of true love,
Would mean something.

That it was profound.

Softly life put its hand over my eyes, mouth and heart,
And turned me into a vacuum of my thoughts,
What I wished to see.

When  I had the strength to lift it,
And see the unabashed apathy you felt,
I thought there was nothing left to feel.

Yet here we are.

I wish you could hear,
I wish you could see what you mean to me,
Without me having to let you know.
I can’t live without you.

Or I think I can’t.

Everytime I thought of writing to you,
My inner voice screamed until it no longer could,
‘Do it, try it’,
And I listened to that miserable creature in pain.
But no more.

I’ve lived my entire life,
With the repeat button switched on,
So it’s time to turn it off.
Change it to a new song.

Copyright © Night Prophet | Year Posted 2018

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