Don'T Judge

Should I ask for forgiveness Or continue to hold this blade against my pale skin? I know Ive prayed and asked for forgiveness before so this time it is a committed sin. I can't help that so many people hurt me most do it without realizing it because I'm to nice to bring it to their attention I let them say what they will and cry about it later holding it in around family But soaking my pillow case at night holding my arms around me to stop the pain from radiating through the room I hate this feeling it just brings me gloom. Except for the blade that brings the blood rushing warmly to the surface A sign of life deep inside when I feel so numb other wise Some find this stupid and dumb but i don't care because you don't know how i feel inside. I sometimes want to run and run and run But i can't because there isn't anything new to run to but you.. You... who hurts me and doesn't know You.. who i think i love sometimes but feel confused and therefore hurt some more You.. who tells me to look forward and step through life's open door. But I can't because I have a problem with this blade I cut my wrists, just a little to feel a rush.. A problem yes But none the less I'll pray for this to all cease in my life but it will continue and in the end ill feel like hell..