Do I Dare

Do I dare? As years passed, I continued to wonder Haunted by a silent question Buried at the back of my head, is a lifetime quest for answers Lurking in my subconscious, Is a lifetime of shadows Masked in deep shaded silhouettes Caught up in a maze of illusions A space were pieces of my life laid buried Loaded with decades of uncertainty What do I dare to call him? The one I know only from memories Like a ghost, he roams behind closed doors Exists in a parallel universe Masquerading in my dreams Disappears and appears at random times I had worshiped him, and his unwillingness to conform Fascinated by his magic tricks Abra cadabra, he vanished just as quickly Snatched away by the world of the unknown Never really knew him, acquainted only with his visage He lives in my fantasy land What should I call this man? He remains a mystery He with no care in the world The first to initiate me into the grownup world of heartbreak To teach me of unbearable sorrow and disappointment It is he that brought me great despair Partook in my bearing, but showed me no mercy He wounded me, preparing my heart for a long battle ahead Stealing my precious childhood As I spend my life’s journey walking on splinters of broken glasses Like a wounded soldier, I bore old scars With bible verses, scripted on my soul I now thread carefully through life, running away from all that reminds me of him Struggling to leave his shadows behind As I now embody his vile illness With a heart that has turned to decay Do I dare call him father? He took advantage of my innocence, toyed with my vulnerable nature He is the cause of my masked loneliness Like a wet sponge, I had absorbed his ways Floundering through life like a mythical creature Blundered by his lies and broken promises And all I was seeking was his validation But in his absence he deemed me unworthy For so long I kneeled as he ordered Like a gospel, I followed his every command Yet, he constantly broke the vows he swore to keep Do I dare call him father? The man whose heart had grown as cold as stone He that watched me wither away to his very eyes As I made my slow fall from grace