Distancing before forgiving

I would love it if I could just smile at you back and talk with you whenever I feel the: "want to". I would love it If we could just sit next to eachother and laugh. That I could joke with you too. I accepted that I can't forgive out loud, I accepted that time can't change things and make me feel better, I accepted that I can't ignore even though I'll try to forget. Still I expected a explination, A apology, A communication.