Dismissal

I am sitting here alone, I look around and I see: The couches you wanted to be here, Brown leather, brownish auburn leather, Couches made of a football dream, Shattered, or a football dream Imagined; I see a misplaced shelf, Once towering over my desk and a dream of togetherness. I look some more and I see the bar stools by the kitchen counter, Empty; No children to sit in them, a family dismissed. I see a light oak kitchen table placed by the Dark cherry hutch. Once a set, Now two individual pieces that quietly state, Their will to not belong. I listen to the sounds and I hear: I can hear my heart beating as it always has. I listen closer and I can hear the baby breathing. The breath of new life, hopeful and unaware, An existence allowed by chance. I breathe in the air of this small apartment And I smell: I smell the candles burning; Please keep burning as you might be able to burn The cells that cause me to remember. I smell sadness, I smell an unkempt apartment and an unkempt union. I close my eyes and I try to feel and sense: I sense your presence still lingering here. I dial your number, the number meant to be my answer, …no answer. My call has been transferred to an automated voice mail system, My call has been transferred to the dismissal of emotions. I sit still and listen some more: I listen to the me that is left, telling me to stop holding on. Please let go of your embrace. I will go taking the best of you with me as You accidentally gave yourself a chance to start over. I will replace your sweet lies with the loyal truth. I will never seek happiness in a glass or in a white line. I will never seek happiness amongst people that live as drums beating to the sound of emptiness. I will walk sober, and will embrace Life and death intoxicated only by images of happiness That will be earned. We walk different paths for a reason. I can’t follow you because I will elude myself along the path that you have chosen. I refuse to be a ghost before my time has come; Your freedom to not be will be my freedom to become.