Deserve Better

You pulled me in close and said youve never met someone like me You asked me what I wanted out of this and I said you You pulled me in tighter You smiled wider And your teeth shined brighter I thought this was it Every word you said I believed You made me feel a way I’ve never felt We could’ve been something so special But you went and hooked up with another man. You did tell me immediately but there was no regret in your voice I should’ve ended things then But I muscled away my pain Tried to grasp onto a reality where we were the same But that just wasn’t true. I don’t regret falling for you I regret letting myself fall for you everyday after you showed your true colors and I refused to see them. But life is about learning from your mistakes, So if you’re reading this don’t take it personally In reality, I just wanted to say thank you for teaching me what love is and what love isn’t. Love isn’t lies to disguise what you really want Love isn’t sex schemes and late nights Love isn’t me hiding away from how I really felt and telling myself this is love. No, love is trust, love is understanding, and love is created not found. And it felt like we were onto it for 2 months, yet after what happened I kept myself on your leash and I chose to hang onto it like there was some possibility of things being the same. There were moments where I pictured a life without you and I didn’t want to live that. But here I am You said I deserve better and you’re right But this poem is not about her or what happened. I cannot go back and change the past and looking back on it now I wouldn’t change it. After the weeks of beating myself over it everyday I finally decided to say you know what Thank you. It was like a weight taken off my shoulders and the negative voice in my head desecrated Love is not linear, it’s not like math where this formula and you press solve on the calculator and it comes out all nice and neat. Love is really really hard y’all Sometimes it makes it hard to stand tall But when you choose to love and accept yourself in 360° That means you love and accept your past self Who you are now And you will love yourself in the future. Then you will start to see what you can earn. Not what you deserve I know she told me I deserve better But in reality i got to earn it. So, to the woman who broke my heart I say thank you because you gave me the opportunity to love myself again.