Deeply Scarred

Deeply Scarred Oh it must be nice To be alone with your thoughts at night There’s something there A quiet noise Beyond a point in the distance Of knowing Of condition Mocking my existence Can’t put a face to it It worries me I’ve tried quite a few things I’m just far enough away that I can’t reach it Deeply scarred and broken into empty parts Sometimes I need a good cry Too tired and afraid to feel otherwise It will kill them if I die Good heavens I mustn’t be late My father’s wrath Is all too great for comfort I’ve brought it onto myself I need not pity For I will sink deeper into it And feel even more alone No complaints And no peace I break down Much is to be forgotten And most left to regret The head needeth a compress Fallen leaves gather at my feet A grasshopper in the meadow Becoming one with the green Abandoned hope Oh, the madness The madness Lost to fantasies Then it all comes crashing down And deeper I sink into the hole A reminder that the highs Reduce me to no more than a circus animal I’d rather have it quiet But I get tense in the midst of it I prayed them not to leave me But they did every time I’ve got the mind of a child I owe it to Him To get it right I’ve got a case of nerves Only ecstasy can distract Sleepless nights - energized An overly inflated ballon Sure to pop A numbing silence bestowed upon me And away with my tongue it went Racing thoughts A chatterbox I didn’t know who I was Or what I’d become I spoke of folly and of most certainty I long to find my place under the sun Marckincia Jean Free verse 08/07/20