Deep Dark Poem

~Deep Dark Poem~ Tonight I want to go deeper in my soul I want to be born again tonight I want to go back in my mothers womb and feel my happiness of my first cry yet feel her real pain while she was delivering me I want to feel both all her pain and the little of happiness I had since I was born. I want to feel each breath I breathed since that first night I want to see my fathers eyes if he had a tear of happiness while holding me for the first time . I want to walk talk laugh cry climb defeat succeed breath suffocate scream eat drink revive my senses I want to hold her breast and be a baby again I don't want to grow Old yet I want to remain a new born in her arms to feel safe I want to hold my fathers glasses and see the color of his eyes will I have them will I have his nose will I have my mothers softness will I cry for help will I see and hear and listen and run and walk and hold her hand to feel safe I am lost tonight I need her grip. I need my brother who carried me where is he today why did he leave me so early and die so young I want to eat with them I want to share with them in what state of mind I am in tonight I want to go home tonight to my mother and fathers home I want to see their light at their home as I am living through my darkest hours tonight. But I cannot as all what I want I cannot have. I want their faithful love I want to sleep on their bed and feel the warmth of their love in our home where I was born and after years I was torn away from them to live in another mans home. They forgot to tell me how much they have suffered when I left their home and went away they forgot to tell me so many things that iI am experiencing them now today yesterday and tomorrow my life passed away so quickly busy bringing up my kids busy giving them an education busy cooking for them busy working to provide for them everything busy washing busy crying busy going out busy busy where are they now where was I when my father left to climb up his ladder where was I when my mothers turn arrived to climb up her ladder and stay next to him they went up to meet their son who left them years ago he was only 29 years old they had to live suffering suffering missing missing him their first born for years and years. Father of my 2 boys thee only ecstasy I had during that marriage nothing was real except my kids nothing existed except them nothing meant anything in my world except them nothing ever passed before them they are my light when i am blind they are my laughter in my inside they are with me with every breath I breath we are inseparable even when they are far I see them when its dark I see them when I am deaf I hear them through my strength I survive to keep them alive. I walk alone yet their shadow never leaves my sight they call my name from far I call them back I write to reach out for them to read through my lines how much I need to be cared for even one day maybe half a day maybe a few hours even one second is more then enough to pump my heart to go on. So sorry my fellow poets tonight when you read through my lines you will forgive me as I am sentimentally in pain affectionately in pain tonight my pen was agonizing missing my children missing to see them how do I survive daily without them I don't know I know I have been doing that for the past 35 years seeing them on and off due to the war in our country & unexplainable circumstances. Tonight forgive me. I have no more tears. Therese Bacha Deep Dark Poem for contest of PD (Win.No 4 ) 22/2/2013