Death of Zhentiah Siatchier

"Please don't cry," I said... "I want to be there to wipe your tears away, put them aside and make everything better, think of some happy thoughts and make you smile and laugh like no one is even watching and hope for the best tomorrow." "I feel like something is wrong." he said. "Would that something wrong to you be talking to someone who is younger than you, but understands you completely...always listens to you, and would always want to be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on?" He sat there quietly and motionless... his face so still, the amazing jaw lines so accurate, his face as smooth as a roses petles, his eyes... as blue green as the tropical oceans. This boy made me speachless. Finally, he moved lips to speak, "No no... it's nothing like that at all.. it's just... I feel like I need to be with you every moment, every day... and I don't know how to let go of that feeling... I don't want to let go of that feeling... because well, I love you. I always have." As shocked as I was, I wasn't going to keep him waiting there feeling like an idiot because I won't say anything... "Wow, I.. never knew you felt that way about me, its actually shocking... Zhentiah, I love you too.. but... your like a brother to me and it would be intensely awkward to date someone or love someone so strongly that you've known since you were ten.. Im sorry, I do love you.. I really do." The hurt in his face made me hate myself for what I said, but living my whole life knowing that what I was going to say was a lie... no, I couldn't bare that thought. Few days after that night, I got a phone call from the police reporting to me that he died from loss of blood cutting himself. Until that heartbreaking day, I started to realize how stupid I was... His death made me realize that he meant much more to me then him being a brother... he meant everything to me and I wouldn't have ever traded him even for the world. I love Zhentiah more than anything... he is gone, but not forgotten. Why? Because he always used to tell me to look up at the stars if I ever felt alone, or if I needed something to remember him by. I love you Zhentiah Siatchier, forgive me... watch over me