Dear Diary

Dear Diary
It's the 13th June today
It should be a Friday
An unprecedented day
Dark as my mood

You see diary dear 
Today she asked me
What's your greatest fear?
For awhile I sat quiet
Debating if she deserved a reply
 
Deep in the recess
In the abyss of my mind
I could feel emotions resurface
Fighting their way to my conscience
Colliding, in their haste to escape

I remembered why I had shut them out
Why for years they were prisoners
I will not allow it dear diary
I will not remember
Fear is not attractive

About it, words I cannot mince
I will not phrase or utter memories of it
Lest my mind obeys
And tribes of the forgotten tumble into my head
I will not remember my fears

And when she asks
What are you afraid of?
How can I say - being alone
When I know her questions will dig deeper in my subconscious
In a place I have long left
Where I have fought to escape
A place I will not return to...

Diary,
Loneliness is a dark place
Nothing dwells there but emptiness
Layers and layers of sooted cold 
slime
There is no exit door.

Once you are in, 
It envelopes you there, 
clinging to your very you
It will not let you go
It hates to be alone

So I tell you, 
I cannot go back 
I will not explore my mind
for thruths I'm not ready to deal with
I will not open a portable to which I cannot leave at will

I don't want loneliness as a friend
She clutches and chokes you
With her anxiety and worry
Eventually you lose yourself 
As you try in vain not to be like her

© 2018 Moliehi Molupe

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Copyright © | Year Posted 2018

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Molupe Avatar
June 29, 2018 at 12:26 PM
Thanks Lyric man
Man Avatar
June 28, 2018 at 4:19 PM
I enjoyed reading your write this afternoon. I had a couple of down hours and wanted to take in some creative poetry. I'm glad I came across your interesting work! PS Thank you for your comments on my writes. You make my day!
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