Dead With a Heartbeat

Coldness is swallowing me, freezing me in time. This beast inside me is all I can call mine. All I have left is the thought of your crime. I've lost my self, my being, my very mind. It does not hurt and I do not cry. Instead, I ponder on how I have died. It was not with love that you said goodbye, But with lust, and greed, and a hate deep inside. A hate for the future you gave away As if you thought you would never pay. We're just dust in the wind, as they say But why are these gusts so shallow and grey? Waves of numbness flush through my veins. Happiness was foreign to my abused and battered brain. I thought I'd found joy but have fallen past point of pain. All along, to you this was a game. Mother, I no longer feel love for you. Father, I know you never had a clue. I am on autopilot, dragging through dull days. I heard love is forever, but only darkness stays. Sister, forgive me for my tragic end. Brother, you are the demon which I am forced to fend. You don't understand this pit of nothing, All I needed was to hold on to something. Flashes of trauma replay in my head Every morning, every night, even in bed. To steal my innocence, so much goes unsaid For now I will just remain undead. My reflection is a stranger, my movements unreal. The world appears as paper, waiting to be peeled. My days are long, lived as a memory of you Not only emotionally, but physically too. I am no longer living, what was once "I" is dead I am a stranger to my body, an alien in my head. Is this eery death still final although my heart beats? I believe it is, as I have lost hope for me.