Dead Inside

Fallen on my knees on the inside, Smiling while standing tall on the outside, No one can see me through all this my imperfection, I'm trying to be ready to find and receive my redemption, Shifting inside my body's walls, I can feel my skin and the pain inside me crawl, A ghost from my past that will never yield, Ive no armor except my person that doesn't protect me in my battlefield, You, me, him, her we are not the same, Different fears and insecurities within a different name, Faith and hope what i want but only others can feel, The very principal is to separate what you've no choice but to accept is real, I want to see what it seems like Ive never seen, I want to be better than who Ive always been, Too scared to die but too weak to live, Trying to hide from this pain and fear within, I close the truth in my heart letting no one in, I need to forgive my weaknesses causing me to be unable to prevent my sins, Ive seen these things and feel this all from before, I try to hide all the places Ive been ripped and tore, Hiding my real feelings behind a smile and pray for the end of this illusion, Consumed by non stop pain and confusion, They held me down to hurt me and everything i had they completely stripped me clean, I never want you to go through or see the horrors i have seen, Ive been closed off for so long from normal reality, My mind venturing close to insanity, Ive lost my life and happiness so quickly, Now I go through life dead and sickly, I don't think I'll ever have or find the strength to move on, There's too many parts of me I can't find or get back their permanently gone, To really be alive again is impossible and takes to much, I feel it slowly happening, my body's losing touch, I feel as though I'm doomed to always be in pain in this nightmare alone, Ive lost every part of myself that I and everyone else has ever known, I wish I had hope to heal and have a fighting chance, To break free of my prison no longer hurting in this trance, Death stays surrounding me, Reminding me that this person Ive become is everything I despise and don't want to be, My reflection I see in the mirror isn't me but only a stranger that resembles, I try to sit quietly unnoticed as my body starts to tremble.