Dark Night of the Soul
My heart is depleting, it is becoming thin and fragile.
I can feel it slowly crumbling.
The pieces have started falling to the floor.
They instantly shatter.
I try to pick them up,
yet my fingers are sliced from the shards of black glass.
I want to collect all the pieces,
put them back together to make my heart Whole and beautifully alive again,
but I continue to slash my fingers wide open.
I’m unable to put it all back how it once was.
Without my beating heart I have no energy, no love to give.
I want to lay down and not think at all.
I don’t want the small fragment that is barley still dangling,
to fall and shatter,
continuing to building upon all the tiny particles below.
The Pieces on the floor are now soaked in blood and tears.
I feel I may never recover.
I no longer know who I am or why I am even here.
Everything seems lost, dark and horribly hopeless.
I pray that the one shred of this coal heart will turn pink and grow.
That somehow it can expand and create a new heart,
a stronger heart that will beat loud and full of pure love.
I have given myself healing time to process everything.
The tears from my eyes are finally dry,
the sliced fingers wounds are now healing.
I can see clearly now,
I look upon the lifeless broken pieces of my heart,
still clustered on the floor.
I can see that they no longer serve me.
My heart had turned so weak and frail because it was not reviving any love.
I put my freshly scabbed fingers to my chest,
to feel the flicker of the one piece of heart still hanging on.
I close my eyes and send pure love to it.
I realize I need to love myself and love my heart,
that is what it needs to grow and become whole.
Self love,
being completely excepting and fully in love with me is the answer!
It’s so obvious to me now,
I’m grateful for my old neglected heart,
it is no longer trying to survive off the love of others,
scared when it didn’t receive any,
for now I don’t need it.
I have myself and that’s who completes me.
I thank the shards as I sweep them off the floor,
my feet are now ready to dance upon where they once lay,
so thankful that the body I never thought would want to get up again is thriving,
flourishing once more!
Copyright © Genevieve Ostara | Year Posted 2020
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