Damaged

Damaged I try to love others, With the hope of loving myself. I cry when alone, Because I feel so unloved. My heart is bleeding, torn Lost in unclear emotions. I pretend to be happy to get by, So that the world sees a star trying to shine. I try to gleam but my moods confuse everyone, My heart has lost its pigment to pain; Trying to give out the little love I once had, Like a mendicant, I entreat with the world to love me. How sad it is, feeling like a nobody, Always trying to push everyone away. Yet I strongly need someone next to me, Lost in my own body praying for something I don't even know of. Every night sleeping asking myself questions, They call me a mad poet, for I always feel like dying. Not because I want to but because I feel like it's a need, A solution to my emotional devastation and pain. Poetry trying to give me a solid reason to try, To try and strive for a better future yet I ask why? Not knowing who I am anymore since I lost myself to you, You broke me down into pieces I can't even figure out. I'm a complicated puzzle you can't solve, Even though I am trying to mend myself together. I'm still much of a wreck trying to find the end of the tunnel, Because I feel so bleak and tortured. My tears have run out and my cheeks are dry, All I want is just to die because it's not easy being me. Life as hard as a piece of diamond, Of course, I do pray 4 times a day bu,t it keeps getting darker. God, please hear my prayers before I give up, Help me oh Lord before I quit. Because this pain I'm in is overwhelming my body, My heart always beating endlessly a drum. I feel like a damaged like a mirror, Pieces can be brought together but never the same beauty. I'm molested by the pain I face every day, Yet my body can no longer sustain the pressure. Despite all this torture I still smile, Pretending that everything is fine with me. Telling lies to the world that nothing is wrong with me, Always around my friends with depression and anxiety