Dad Let Me Explain

Give me a moment before you judge harshly. Given the facts, don't get manipulated by honesty. I know that help is required but never spoken of. Can't deny the need but respect the love. Struggle shapes success and throws us in directions. Leads us in tunnels in which our sanity gets affected. Blinded by comfort neglect the confessions. Moments within minutes plus thoughts every second. Some things are better learned the hard way. Can't portray a lesson unless forced to convey. Eaten by guilt swallowed by pride. A dissolved ego doesn't change the inside. The demons within us with time will subside. Destroyed emotionally but act like it's fine. Money solves the problem but is also part of it. No matter how hard we work, the proof doesn't exist. Long hours putting sleep at risk. A father's motivation a son doesn't notice. But I do, and I love you for it. Living is hard. We all wish it wasn't. Chasing a dream because of life's abundance. I'm not spending much but still caught with the issue. Somehow manage to save enough for rent, insurance, gas, and food. The system doesn't let, but god damn I try. Putting all of my effort just to provide. Chaos within every step makes it tough to decide. Thoughts within my head get amplified. Just because I don't ask for help doesn't mean I don't want it. I got myself into this situation. It's my responsibility to get myself out of it. The cycle will break its inevitable. Just gotta put the effort and be respectful. Can't risk an enemy. The damage that would cause is one I can't bear to see. I wanna be a writer and live through my words. Throw my thoughts for profit, although that sounds absurd. Have people drool in a book they can relate to. It doesn't have to rhyme, I know. But the concept is cool. Just imagine a life it can bring. Being paid to do what I already do occasionally. Still in the beginning stages. Being rejected but still throwing pages. Entering contests and speaking with people. Yeah, I do Uber, and some places can be evil. I understand your worries but I have to. It doesn't pay enough but enough to continue. Drive hours away just to pay for the commute. Or do a couple of short ones and hope the traffic approves. I hope you respect my effort it's all I ask. I am trying with my soul god knows how long that will last. Working like I'm born to, I know you respect that. Emotionally fighting with my other half. It's one of the reasons why I write to begin with. It's easier to cope with pain when it's written. I'm in a battle emotionally on paper, a musician. But losing the fight with more poems just listen. Optimistic at times, still pushing through. God's holding my hand. That's not an excuse. Chasing my tail within the devils roots. Holding my heart since there is so much to lose. Thank you for everything words never said. Our relationship was held up by a thread. You were too busy chasing money for a loaf of bread. I forgot about the effort and hated you instead. Not at home but with us nevertheless. Confused in the struggle mother distracted to forget. Sorry about before. My understanding was stretched. Forgive my mistakes. I was a bit direct. My intentions were pure but filled with sadness. Maybe it's rage that I didn't want to happen. You taught me so much besides the love. This world is dangerous but doesn't adjust. It beats you up physically and mentally. Makes you think about love, hate, and everything in between. We get stuck living in a vivid routine. Flipping back and forth like a magazine.