Crystal Eyes
Sitting on a stack of old portraits
Feeling like an ill fated king, destined to be dethroned
Lonely and long since forgotten
At least that’s the narrative my mind conjures up
Whether it breathes truth, as always
A matter of an opinion
Running has always been as real
Real as running water is true for survival
Beautiful soul, I say back to this voiceless photo
Why did I ever run from you
What was so pent up, a self hatred burning
What was so twisted out of shape
That in your presence, lashing out at myself proved so easy
Seeming like the right thing to do
Why didn’t I promise to love you more than I ever could
Why did I choose to banish you from me
And why did I let you agree without a fight
But I was just a kid
Maybe I was scared, I was just a kid
Maybe I let the state I was in get the best of me
I was too soft for Georgia, hindsight is 20/20 now
I wasn’t fit for Georgia, it made me grow faster than I was ready to
I was fit for you, you saw it too
But I guess distance would’ve never agreed to move
What was I supposed to do
I was a kid, 15 to my age
No dollar to my name
7 months, if internet allowed, internet dates is how we lived
Staying up until sleep told us we couldn’t stay
We still tried to stay
Why am I even talking about this now
You’ve gone away
We’re so different, we grew apart
Do you even remember my name
Dear my once Oktober Rose
Do you remember our songs at all
The nights we sang along
How the world was at our backs
The world the oyster and you the pearl
How you would stare at me with those crystal eyes
Shining like brilliantly like twilight
Now the image ruined from a promiscuous phrase
I don’t hate you, yes I miss you
We hurt each other back and forth
I doubt if I found you, you’d talk back
We’d be at each other’s throats again
Or clamoring for distant words again
Awkward silence swarming the room as you drown me out for music and cigarettes for two
While I sit here and mope once again to the silence of music one more
This isn’t a masterpiece, this isn’t good for me
To think of you on this night even to commit to a theme
To commit to a purpose
To get out buried feelings to never resurface after this week
At least that’s the narrative my brain gives
What does my heart say
“Find her, tell her you miss her”
We’ll see what the week brings
She’ll never accept me
We parted ways, we’re so different now
“She has a part of you”
She’ll always have a part of me
What do you want me to do
“Talk to her”
I will never, there’s a million reasons not to
“So why are you writing about her”
I have 10 reasons to
‘What’s the first”
Oktober Rose, my former
I miss you
I miss you and staring into your once crystal eyes
I miss you and want you to smile for me one more time
Brighten my day one more time
Don’t fake it for me, please
One more time, just this once
If you don’t return my heart, don’t return my spark
Honor one last request
Smile for me like you used to
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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