Cry Out

I may be in pain but you'll never see me cry out I'm not worried about whether I'll make it to heaven or hell, because I can only live my life now Whatever comes for me after will come when it comes I've faced enough obstacles on my journey to know that nothing can make me run I've been walking on my own since before I could even tie my shoe laces Before I could finish a chapter I already had to start some new pages Foster care because I didn't have a mother or father around I stayed to myself and would never let my armour down I had to turn into Mike Tyson for this depression battle When you're dealing with it alone it's a lot to tackle I crashed a few times but to write me off it'd take a better dent Looking at my phone and thinking about the texts I wrote out but never sent I'm honest about everything I never pretend I've never touched drugs because I saw them destroy my family, but I drink more than a doctor would recommend I'm still confused as to how we went from best friends to not speaking at all There wasn't a fall out and we're not beefing at all When my mum got sick you didn't contact me not even a call It breaks my heart and hurts my mind I'll stop talking about you now because you're not worth my time I sit alone with my pen at night I had to let a lot of pain and resentment go just to have my mum in my life I've been her carer for almost 10 months and I need a break myself I'm her son and not a professional carer, but when we had the carers coming in she wouldn't even allow them to help I'm only 28 and there's only one of me I can't do this and live my life at the same time I'm struggling myself and just trying to cope with the pain in my mind I don't want to come across as arrogant So forgive me, but I don't do comparisons If I'm to be compared it's only to who I was before I'm too busy learning and growing to be insecure Grew up without family around so I looked to rappers to inspire me Before I knew how to write poetry, I would write my favourite Eminem lyrics in my diary I've been reckless in the past, and sometimes still do things with no hesitation I call it being fearless, while others call it desperation My favourite lesson was realising you can be smart with no education I try my best to care for others even though my life has had a lack of love Now we're in Coronavirus times so I can't even see my friends or have a hug The angel inside of me is ready to fly out These are the tears my eyes won't allow me to cry out