Crocodile Chit - Chat
CROCODILE CHIT - CHAT
So there am I sitting, basking, mouth wide-open in the swamp,
An Egyptian plover just a-cleaning my teeth - and old Ernie says
Hey Roger, looks like you need some serious dental work .
Ok…. so I goes to this dentist I heard of. He says you need
Eighty three fillings and a large bridge, maybe even a plate in the bottom.
Well, I got so angry I spoke sharply to him. In fact I’m afraid
I almost snapped his head off. I says I’m not going to pay for all that,
Not when I can get it free in the swamp. Oh says he, that’s for the birds man.
But I know these cowboy dentists, Ernie. They’ll do anything for money.
It happened to uncle Ralph. He ended up as suitcases in a posh guy’s luggage,
Just trying to pay off the dental bill. And it could’ve happened to mum too
But she managed to keep her good looks and ended up in the Smithsonian
( good location - first floor, on the left : check it out) . Oh, just a moment ,
There’s a guy swimming. I‘ll just sneak over and see if he’s available for lunch.
Go for it, Rog - give him the old eyes-under-the-water treatment …
Scare the pants off him. Oh-oh! He’s not wearing any pants.
Oh, I couldn’t eat my meat undressed like that, Rog. I gotta have
A dressing of maybe salad or at least olive oil…….
Ok, so after I misses this guy - he was too quick for me –
I’m lying there with Ernie and we’re doing the still-life-yawn pose
With an Egyptian plover apiece. I happened to touch his rear leg with mine.
He says hey, smartie, - you tryin’ to come on to me or what?
I says no….. I just realized you’re quite cold there, Ernie. Yeah , says he,
It's ‘cos I’m cold-blooded - you know ? Sarcasm was always Ernie’s strong point.
Oh I know…. but you’re colder than me buddy. Maybe you’re coming down with flu?
Maybe you need a doctor. Oh, don’t get me started
On doctors, Rog. I went to this psycho-quack once and he tried
To convince me I was an alligator, and how I could
Make a bundle as a lady’s handbag or even chic boots.
Well, I knew it was a con ‘cos who wears real American alligator these days
When you can get cheap Chinese mock-crocodile stuff at next to nothing?
Oh says I, don’t get me started
On China’s economic impact on the world….....
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