Creed and Truthfulness

I curse with all vengeance the undeserved desperation that fate chose me to bear; and I've asked myself if ever there would be a sudden death to this so-called affliction and fear... Will I endure this unneeded pain furthermore and suffer uselessly in discontent, not to have accomplished more or been restrained by any event throughtout the duration of my consuming contention? I swayed from all gladness with doubt and uncertainty, gratifying myself with little or nothing; all thoughts were constringent, clinging to hopeless consolations: I lived in sadness...unsavoring life in all its wonderful and blissful ways, not conjoining them to a congruous laugh! Did it save these dark thoughts from dying, when I could have been living? Up to now,I had strongly believed I would have seen a light glimmering, where darkness gathered, or an anticipated delight awaiting to quench my thirst; uneasiness and distrust don't conciliate... Swelled clouds bring rain and sobriety, reality brings out conscious regrets that conjure up a past worthiness; a struggle measured by audacity... Prodigious words rejected by intruders, true words prohibited to be spoken by me; I was given lips to fling them... not to fearfully oppress them, but to be present in image and dexterity: unlikely soggy flowers drenched by storms... lacking the stamina to stand on their feeble stems, I must stand up to my creed and truthfulness!