Crazy Me

I feel like hurting myself, I’m sorry, Lord Don’t know why I feel the urge crawl into me With crooked, malicious, wicked discord I need scars of soaring, eager sympathy To be my shadow beneath me I love the wanting-wondrous-things-and-searching-for-help thing, honestly, Is beautiful and amazing is what I see in everything and anything good genuinely You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my lonely, crazy ol' mindset and daily-thumping heart You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my crazy manias that get me upset and so torn apart It was inside me, I remember the anxious and mad craziness Was inside me Somewhat making me move in utter dizziness I will survive to see Your empathetic ember that scorches away hopelessness Burn on, Shine on I appreciate Never will I hate, Though I expressed it harshly before It still hurts me to the one and only inner core I need God's trait Of lovely joyous state I hesitate due to thoughts of my future fate – It scares me to ponder about it time and time again… Where do I begin? Where am I supposed to begin? What will happen? Must I wait? What if I break under pressure? Would I be too late? Too late? Why am I left always so unsure? So, should I persevere all throughout Instead of fear and constant doubt? You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my lonely, crazy ol' mindset and daily-thumping heart You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my crazy manias that get me upset and so torn apart It was inside me, I remember the anxious and mad craziness Was inside me Somewhat making me move in utter dizziness I will survive to see Your empathetic ember that scorches away hopelessness Burn on, Shine on Waiting for patience and for patience alone…I am alive and a survivor While I feel unbearable, buffering suffering I am a deep-water diver, diving into my mixed drink, sweet screwdriver While I deal and fight with the battles tiredly Please pardon my inquiries about why I fall into the temptations of iniquities They are bothersome and exaggeration pumps up their tires of ruined desires Suppose happiness comes and goes, all unknown I don’t like being in the crowd at this bar for so long I don’t need and want to belong, whether it’s right or wrong Dreaming aloud in my mind's cranium Thinking I could be as quiet and calm as the breeze at ease, Yet loud with pitter-patter rainfall, Fatigued and sick of feelings of titanium numb You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my lonely, crazy ol' mindset and daily-thumping heart You saw behind my crazy Behind my crazy Behind my crazy manias that get me upset and so torn apart It was inside me, I remember the anxious and mad craziness Was inside me Somewhat making me move in utter dizziness I will survive to see Your empathetic ember that scorches away hopelessness Burn on, Shine on Wish I could write authentic brilliantly Like those New York best-sellers Wish I can be glad and content frankly I would be in mere satisfaction on another ascending level That won’t injure, but to be a cast-to-the-river cures Mind has been skipping childishly on hopscotch design since 1997 Kind of you to compliment me and our cheery generosity is even Find me in the depths of delighted, illuminated serenity and its opportunity-tuned possibilities Blind and lost, but will see and be found beyond the aches and wounds of sorrowful yesterday possibly…God, will You please? Crazy me got to be put at ease, put me at ease… Put doubt out the drain, that sickly soiled disease… It’s sadly vast Until it is cast Into oblivion's sea Then, turned into ecstasy… I’m crazy, You see? You accept me Thankfully!