Brian Mcclain Poet Rhyme

Crack House of the 13 Gables

I wrote a great book, part memoir, part novel
Shopped it around, I ain’t too proud to grovel
Got kicked upstairs to a big publishing head
He invited me in, and here's what was said:

This screed you call Crack House of the 13 Gables
Is one long rant mixed with recycled fables
It wanders aimlessly, but never resolves
Characters pop out of nowhere, then simply dissolve

But the symbolism, sir, allow me to explain
The Victorian parlor represents pathos and pain
In the attic are mothballed broken dreams and betrayals
It's gonna shift your paradigm right off its rails

It’s a thousand-page odyssey into the surreal
The hedge maze is where all 14 sub-plots congeal
Enough! The only reason I called you in, punk
Is to meet the lunatic who scribbled this junk

So I slunk away, not a little dejected
Ain’t much fun being literarily rejected
Trudged back to my grueling, stale coffee grind
Working 15-hour days, going out of my mind

Then one day I met an old pal for some beers
Hadn't seen him in quite a few years
I told him about my rejection slip wrangle
He said buck up, you just need the right angle

I like reading novels, now don’t get me wrong
But writin' 'em, man, that just takes too damn long
And what a huge risk, 16 years you devoted
For no payday at all, just your ego imploded

There's no need to pen the next Moby Dick
Try something short, now that is the trick!
So, I thanked my friend for his most sage advice
And took it to heart without thinkin' thrice

And now I am back as a voice for the ages
Except I'm makin' my mark in far fewer pages
I write sound bites and maxims and pithy remarks
T-shirt slogans and jokes, I just do on a lark

I bang out poems and lyrics at the drop of a hat
Dash off 17 syllables in ten seconds flat

Haikus by the bunch
Cook up a batch before lunch
Put that in your pipe

____________________________

For Humor Contest
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Teddy Kimathi June 9, 2016 at 8:21 AM Greetings Brian. Congrats for your placement with this awesome piece!! ;-)

Andrea Dietrich April 9, 2016 at 9:55 PM hahaha. Can't wait to see this on the winner list. I think it is just about time I put you on my fave poet list!!! Brian Mcclain April 9, 2016 at 11:36 PM Hi Andrea, Thank you very much. That is so kind of you. I really appreciate your encouragement. Cheers, Brian

John-Ovan.P. Hull March 12, 2016 at 9:48 AM Great metering and lilt on this well narrated piece of work. Brian Mcclain March 13, 2016 at 11:15 AM Hi John, Thank you very much for having a look and for the kind words! Cheers, Brian

Punnia Viswan Bhatia February 21, 2016 at 2:17 AM WOW...and i say this is amazing :)) will u let me read your rejected novel!!! ;)) a 7 for this experience share...:)) Brian Mcclain March 4, 2016 at 8:01 PM Hi Puvi, Sorry for the tardy reply--thank you so much for your nice comment. Much appreciated--and of course you can read my rejected novel. I can send you a PDF. Cheers, Brian

Arthur Vaso January 31, 2016 at 12:04 AM Absolutely brilliant! Brian Mcclain February 2, 2016 at 8:50 AM Hi Arthur, Wow, so glad you liked it. Thank you very much. Cheers, Brian

Constance La France January 30, 2016 at 2:06 PM Brian, I loved your write so much, you have a wonderful pen, and thanks for your help with my meter line, so appreciated and I see you are new here, well welcome dear poet, I hope you enjoy this journey ~ Brian Mcclain January 30, 2016 at 9:39 PM Thank you very much for the kind words and warm welcome!