Cousin Freddie

Ere Cousin Freddie departed this Earth The guys placed bets on what his chances were worth: The odds that his soul Could avoid what’s below; (Of all of his kin, he’d then be the first!) For Freddie was well-known as a bounder and cad; So said even his dear mommy and dad. “It seems fair to say, Since now he’s away, That he was always just real really bad!” So when Freddie stood there before Saint Peter, Said The Official Celestial Bouncer and Greeter, “Holy s**t, son, You’re a thousand-to-one 'Gainst getting into The Heavenly Theater!” But Freddie's past sins were all rendered moot With an inside fix by Saints Pete and Luke, Who bet all that action And allowed him to crash in, While both split for Vegas with their new acquired loot.