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Contemplation Out of Body Out of Mind

With my doctor’s ok, I’ve come to this small room of a little-known clinic hoping to have the damaged nerves inside my brain “reset” in a long session. I relax in a reclining chair as the dissociative anesthetic drug named Ketamine is being infused through a vein in my left arm. My husband sits nearby looking at Facebook; I hear the noise from his phone and ask him please to silence his phone so I can focus on my treatment. Suddenly I hear music never heard before – both melodic and upbeat. I can’t tell my husband to turn it off; my lips are vanishing as they seal off! I am eyes inside a faceless face. I lift two fingers. oh, I can at least do that! The music stops abruptly! I hear a man and woman speaking. . . Then I hear an advertisement. I realize this all is NOT from hubbie’s phone! Random snippets of conversations continue: “Silence!” yells a man. “Handcuff him.” Now I'm hearing Chinese. What?? This is from MY mind? They said to expect hallucinations, but where are the fireworks I was told of? Meanwhile, the room, getting fuzzier, is turning into a small, white tunnel. I’m in the K-hole questioning my own existence! Did I come here in a car? Do I have an actual home to go back to? A woman screams OH MY GOD! The tunnel recedes. I see the room. My mouth unseals; my voice stumbles - “Am I in re- al- i- ty?” Wobbily I come down from this unnerving “trip.” Coming around, I feel absolute thankfulness to be an actual LIVING person. March 14, 2021 for The Contemplation Poetry Contest of Craig Cornish (What a challenge to fit this into 20 lines! My failed experience was 3/3/21. They said I had a 50-50 chance it could shock my nervous system into recovery. Anyway, I hear it works great -strangely- for PTSD and anxiety!)

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021




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Date: 3/29/2021 11:58:00 AM
What you went through sounds horrific, Andrea. Still, I hope you can find a good remedy that will help you get well. Congratulations for your well-earned win in Craig's contest! Hugs, Carolyn
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/29/2021 4:25:00 PM
Parts of it were pretty cool. I'm dying to know if I was hearing "true" chinese. haha
Date: 3/29/2021 9:42:00 AM
This is an amazing recollection Andrea clothed in vivid images encased in your story. I understand pain that lingers. Congratulations on your win. Thank you for sharing this with us. Know that you remain in my prayers for healing. And may the lion sleep and angels tend to you. Sending you blessings, prayers and a hug.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/29/2021 4:25:00 PM
thanks, dear Sam!
Date: 3/28/2021 8:40:00 PM
amazing write! what is amazing is your recall of what you experienced! I am not sure how you managed that. Ketamine causes dissociative anaesthesia- it cuts off your higher centres from parts that experience pain and sensation. I have used it on patients for surgery many times. they do not recall. So dose given was small! I am glad you do not wish to try that again! good for phantom limb and for burns dressing or minor surgery but in good dose used by an expert! My advice- please don’t use it.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/29/2021 7:25:00 AM
It is used here in Utah at clinics to treat depression, anxiety, PTSD and chronic pain, etc. My condition was one they had not treated, so they gave me a 50/50 chance. Glad I did not get chased down by a lion!!!
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Krish Radhakrishna
Date: 3/29/2021 12:06:00 AM
Ketamine is a controlled drug in UK as it can be misused as a recreational drug with addiction problems. Most probably used as low rate infusion! You can speak with angels but you can also be chased down by a Lion!!
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/28/2021 10:02:00 PM
Anyway, thanks, Krish. I am happy that Craig chose it a winner!!
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/28/2021 10:01:00 PM
It was a long dose of it, and they told me people have claimed to have spoken with angels (if only I could be so lucky). Have you tried it? They said if THAT amount of time would not shock my brain's wiring into being right again, the process was probably not for me, so I do not regret doing it. I will try anything at least once if there is a chance I will get better. I was totally aware of everything (just can't recall the specific things said by the conversations in my head) The one time I tried marijuna and had a bad trip, I wrote everything down as I was lying in bed experiencing it. I record my dreams too. Guess I am weird that way!
Date: 3/17/2021 11:08:00 AM
WoW! Andrea, You write seems so vivid and believable. So I’ve come to the conclusion that this really happened. If not, it seemed so real. Best wishes in the contest.Well done- Alexis
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/17/2021 1:08:00 PM
yes, this really happened just two weeks ago. I am wondering if it actually made my conditions worse. Geeeez. I am a mess today!
Date: 3/16/2021 9:41:00 PM
Oh no, a difficult experience, good that you were able to use it in a positive way for yourself, hope it works. I know you have had a serious illness so hoping this works. I know what its like to deal with some of the new treatments they have but side affects can be rough especially if neurological--have dealt with that and I am not very good at being that positive, maybe a sign it is helping?! Please take care!
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/16/2021 11:44:00 PM
thanks, Linda. hopefully one day I will stumble upon the answer!
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Linda Milgate
Date: 3/16/2021 9:45:00 PM
Sounds like it didn't help I am so sorry, hope you find something that does and you feel better soon.
Date: 3/16/2021 1:40:00 PM
Oh Oh.. I would HATE that. I can't stand anything that leaves me feeling out of control of my own mind... it's horrific and agonizing! I would have "lost it" with this procedure. It's not something I would ever recommend for anyone. Glad you're ok. Love and hugs, God bless you too, Love, Gina
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/16/2021 2:01:00 PM
I enjoy experiencing all I can in life. Even though I did not get the eurphoric version some people get, it was a truly fascinating thing to me. To know that I could actually question my own reality, how mind blowing is THAT? I actually kind of enjoy some of my nightmares because they can give me story ideas, so I guess I am a bit weird. Anyway, the experience really made me thankful for LIFE, and since I am not one to contemplate very often, this is all that would come to me and I seriously doubt Craig will consider it "free verse" but I needed about 50 lines to try THAT style. hahaha. At least I got to tell my experience!
Date: 3/16/2021 6:30:00 AM
My best wishes, Andrea. Hope it works.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/16/2021 2:02:00 PM
No it does not work. A brain retraining center is next on my list, hopefully to start in April.
Date: 3/16/2021 2:25:00 AM
I understand Andrea, you must really have had a tough time trying to figure out what is real and what is unreal.. during that one and half hours of Ketamine... If only that infusion had at least above 90 percent chance for the recovery of damaged nerves.... Yes, thank God it's all over now, and you got answer for what you wanted to know... Hugs and love.. ~ Ani
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/16/2021 7:28:00 AM
If I had felt it worked a little, I'd have done more sessions. It's a weird treatment and hard to beleve it has success with people who have anxiety!!
Date: 3/15/2021 11:56:00 PM
I feel it's better to suffer that to have doctors experimenting on you. Glad at least this was just a hallucination.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/16/2021 7:29:00 AM
Yes,I'm glad it was only hallucination!
Date: 3/15/2021 8:43:00 PM
Andrea, I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it works. Very interesting write.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/15/2021 11:25:00 PM
I don't feel sorry about it. I was told it might work. So I tried it and it failed. No pain, no gain. I'm looking for my next possible remedy now!
Date: 3/15/2021 4:01:00 PM
I really enjoyed reading about your "adventure." Hopefully, everything worked out all right. It certainly was an "unnerving" experience!
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/15/2021 11:24:00 PM
It wasn't my remedy, but I have no regrets. I now know how to relate to people who have these kinds of experiences. Has to be the most bizarre thing that ever happened to me in 1 and half hours!!
Date: 3/15/2021 3:44:00 PM
Hi Andrea, What an off the wall - yet fascinating narrative... You take the reader to a world I feel more and more of us will be paying a visit to before this confounded virus has completed its offensive work. Kudos, great write! Regards Bill
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 3/15/2021 11:26:00 PM
We are all living in the twilight zone, Bill. My nervous system is a mirror to the world in which we are living. Thanks for liking this!