Contemplation Out of Body Out of Mind
With my doctor’s ok, I’ve come to this small room of a little-known clinic
hoping to have the damaged nerves inside my brain “reset” in a long session.
I relax in a reclining chair as the dissociative anesthetic drug named Ketamine
is being infused through a vein in my left arm.
My husband sits nearby looking at Facebook; I hear the noise from his phone
and ask him please to silence his phone so I can focus on my treatment.
Suddenly I hear music never heard before – both melodic and upbeat.
I can’t tell my husband to turn it off; my lips are vanishing as they seal off!
I am eyes inside a faceless face. I lift two fingers. oh, I can at least do that!
The music stops abruptly! I hear a man and woman speaking. . .
Then I hear an advertisement. I realize this all is NOT from hubbie’s phone!
Random snippets of conversations continue: “Silence!” yells a man.
“Handcuff him.” Now I'm hearing Chinese. What?? This is from MY mind?
They said to expect hallucinations, but where are the fireworks I was told of?
Meanwhile, the room, getting fuzzier, is turning into a small, white tunnel.
I’m in the K-hole questioning my own existence! Did I come here in a car?
Do I have an actual home to go back to? A woman screams OH MY GOD!
The tunnel recedes. I see the room. My mouth unseals; my voice stumbles -
“Am I in re- al- i- ty?” Wobbily I come down from this unnerving “trip.”
Coming around, I feel absolute thankfulness to be an actual LIVING person.
March 14, 2021 for The Contemplation Poetry Contest of Craig Cornish
(What a challenge to fit this into 20 lines! My failed experience was 3/3/21. They said I had a 50-50 chance it could shock my nervous system into recovery. Anyway, I hear it works great -strangely- for PTSD and anxiety!)
Copyright © Andrea Dietrich | Year Posted 2021
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