Contemplation Out of Body Out of Mind

With my doctor’s ok, I’ve come to this small room of a little-known clinic hoping to have the damaged nerves inside my brain “reset” in a long session. I relax in a reclining chair as the dissociative anesthetic drug named Ketamine is being infused through a vein in my left arm. My husband sits nearby looking at Facebook; I hear the noise from his phone and ask him please to silence his phone so I can focus on my treatment. Suddenly I hear music never heard before – both melodic and upbeat. I can’t tell my husband to turn it off; my lips are vanishing as they seal off! I am eyes inside a faceless face. I lift two fingers. oh, I can at least do that! The music stops abruptly! I hear a man and woman speaking. . . Then I hear an advertisement. I realize this all is NOT from hubbie’s phone! Random snippets of conversations continue: “Silence!” yells a man. “Handcuff him.” Now I'm hearing Chinese. What?? This is from MY mind? They said to expect hallucinations, but where are the fireworks I was told of? Meanwhile, the room, getting fuzzier, is turning into a small, white tunnel. I’m in the K-hole questioning my own existence! Did I come here in a car? Do I have an actual home to go back to? A woman screams OH MY GOD! The tunnel recedes. I see the room. My mouth unseals; my voice stumbles - “Am I in re- al- i- ty?” Wobbily I come down from this unnerving “trip.” Coming around, I feel absolute thankfulness to be an actual LIVING person. March 14, 2021 for The Contemplation Poetry Contest of Craig Cornish (What a challenge to fit this into 20 lines! My failed experience was 3/3/21. They said I had a 50-50 chance it could shock my nervous system into recovery. Anyway, I hear it works great -strangely- for PTSD and anxiety!)