Contemplating braces

I’m contemplating braces My belts don’t seem to work They just don’t seem to get a grip Now I’m of a certain girth I shop at Marks and Spencer’s I like their thermal vests I bought a pair of slippers there With golden crowns as crests I watch every weather forecast The met office App’s my friend I study all the isobars To suss the latest trend When I do the weekly shop I always get a thrill. If I’ve brought my “bag for life” To fill up at the till I can’t rise from the sofa Without a grunt or groan My knees “click” when I stand up I think my caps have blown I tend to drink at home now I can’t afford the pub I’m a regular down “one stop” It’s become my social hub I never miss a bin day Be it brown or blue or black I check the council website That’s just how I keep track I like routine and order I wear only matching socks I get weekly satisfaction When I sort my dossit box I know all the cloud formations When I look up to the sky Be it stratus, be it cirrus Or cumulus nimbi I can’t read labels or instructions But my phones always on hand To photograph the tiny text And expand, expand, expand. I’m not living at the cutting edge Though some may call me dull As I hear the drums of youth recede I’m looking forward to the lull. I’ve had it with the greasy pole I’d rather find a watering hole Where, on a sun drenched day in June I’d while away the afternoon. Life’s journey”s far from over May these lines not depress To all my fellow travellers Its just time to “decompress”