Matthew Bailey Poet Free verse

Consuming Thought with a Burning Spoon

I'm not unmotivated,
It's just hard to feel excitement when the only side I've ever seen of it, 
Was a mauled reflection 

I'm not disheartened, 
It's just hard to feel accomplished when its only ever been a withered flower in a cemetery garden 

How could I rationalize when I’m irrational?
I can dream inside my wounded mind all I want, 
But the sexual tension between me and this character flaw,
Might just be the most overlooked part of this story left unsolved 
But my hope and my expectations are in two completely different places 
I've only ever failed at this  

Take my Internal temperature 
And tell me these veins are nothing if not earnest 
as you feel my fingertips beckon you from the depths of the living room furnace

I’m at the gates of your heaven
And I couldn’t feel more extorted by this
Screaming with an empty voice,
Knocking with a weightless fist
Oh no! 
I’m hiding my face again
Release any mental photos so this won’t last any longer 
I miss the person I was before thinking like this  
Turns out I wasn’t taking lessons from Narcissus
I’m visualizing things around me 
But they fade instantly  
I’m tracking a striking resemblance through reflective slivers 
Screaming with an empty voice,
Knocking with a weightless fist,
Lost in the black abyss lurking behind the bathroom mirror 
I've only ever failed at this
But I'm not disheartened, 
It's just hard to feel prosperous when it’s only ever been a withered flower in a cemetery garden 
Screaming with an empty voice,
Defending with a weightless fist,
I leave my demons behind 
As they beckon me to surrender 
to the self-doubt embers arrogating the living room furnace

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Susan Ashley February 1, 2024 at 9:31 AM Dear Matthew, your poetic introspection is filled with potent angst and is expressed with aching, poetic finesse. The repetition of a few emotive verses is full-throated and packs quite a punch with “weighted” fists. I adore the title, the striking imageries, textured metaphors and the stinging desperation of this emotional piece. Powerful poetry! Warmest wishes.. ~Susan Matthew Bailey February 1, 2024 at 9:45 AM Thank you so much for the kind words Susan! I'm glad you could see the power and intent behind every line. Happy reading/writing!