Confusion

You called it confusion. A. We'll call her subject A when I was 10 years old I had this friend who liked to have sleep overs but wanted me to hold her, she was a good girl. she would trace circles on my inner hip and tell me everything and I'd wake up to her head on my arm. I wouldn't move till she did. She got a bf who wanted to take her virginity and treated her badly so I stopped talking to her. Cut ties and never looked back. B . We'll call her b. I'm 13-14 she likes to kiss me on the school bus and infront of her friends but she's not into girls unless she's getting attention, she has my shirt up and I'm laying on her bed, she says my chest is small and teases me then she's burning me with a lighter and I'm confused because she doesn't like me but I feel pleasure. She wants to start drinking and smoking and I know that's not the type of person I am so I leave and never look back she moved anyway. Anyway. C. We'll call her C . I'm 16. She's my friend and I drank for the first time and her hands are on my thighs and she's kissing me and my hands on her throat and I'm shaking. What the . It's only a game. You know. She has a Man. I'm bleeding in the bathroom. My excuse. D. Let's call her D. I'm 18 and she's telling me she loves me but only when the blinds are closed. E. Let's call her E. she's seen me naked. She's felt my body and told me she loves me. She likes being held but her boyfriend doesn't treat her right. She "loves me" but only if he can join us You know . he touches my breast and she's moaning as I'm cringing and I'm crying myself to sleep after scrubbing my skin for hours. I'm 22. And I'm loved and I'm somewhat stable and I don't have any friends because I have the most ed up sense of attachment. I'm not sorry. I can't be your friend.