Confused
No one used to love me the way I’m loved now,
No one needed me the way I’m needed now,
I don’t understand why, I don’t understand what I have done,
For some reason I am loved and I want to know why.
A lovely man who adores me,
A mum who needs me in her arms,
A sister who stirs and rattles me up,
Kids who want to play with me,
A mentor who once hated me and now doesn’t.
I wish I understood why they cared,
Are they lying or is it true?
Do I fall to their love or pretend it’s not true.
I don’t have expectations anymore,
I have been buried and hurt before,
Now my pain is starting to settle,
I’m feeling confused.
Am I really loved or is it just a lie?
If it’s a lie I don’t want to be here,
Is it time to put the past away and believe I am loved?
Can a person really heal their past pains,
Their traumas of being left alone,
Could a life really happen that you thought would only happen in a dream?
To trust or not to trust,
To believe or not to believe,
To stay or to go,
Something I do not know.
From a violent childhood full of pain and hurt,
Things a child shouldn’t feel or see,
I was told I was loved once,
Now I do not know.
I’m told I’m loved but I can’t believe it no matter
What’s shown.
I have a fear of trusting, a fear of loving and a fear
Of being told I’m loved and then left behind again.
I locked my heart many years ago,
It’s starting to open,
And yet here I am,
All confused.
Copyright © Anna Lonely | Year Posted 2020
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment