Condemned To a Fate Worse Than Edgar Allan Poe

Note to self: Never again read 'The Monk' by Mathew Gregory Lewis before drinking myself into a diabetic coma... ...All night long The Wandering Jew requested directions to salvation; That is to say, Whenever I wasn't being pursued by the Bleeding Nun - She seemed like a good enough sort For being just another figment of my horrific imagination; It would appear she only wanted a sanitary napkin: "Leave me alone" I kept telling her, "I rarely have a spare Tampon!" ...Even in my dreams I can't seem to relate to women... ...At least I'll always be immune to Matilda's seduction... ...Because I'm only a "borderline heterosexual" - I'm really more of a "feline enthusiast" - Kinda like William S. Burroughs, I guess? ...This was quite possibly the worst nightmare I've had Ever since dreaming about Ambrose Bierce's 'The Damned Thing' - I wish I never had to sleep again... ...I'm terrified to dream of 'The King in Yellow' by Robert W. Chambers! I have been condemned to a fate worse than Poe! And H.P. Lovecraft is sooo-oh-oh-oh, Ridiculously jealous of me too! So don't start to panic - It isn't just you...