Communion of Joy

I am curious about when and how you find joy, or at least achieve brief contentment during your day, enduring your night, endearing your days between nights. And, yes, also curious about when you feel slow-roasting anger or at least short-term sparks of fear during our long-term night of competing souls thought more ***** than felt dear. These questions come speak perform from my own depressing experiences mismanaging my dissociative skepticisms about a surreal Patriarchal-Capitalist worldview coming loud and unreformed LeftBrain and StraightWhiteMale dominant during daytime sexy soap operas, and vicariously entertaining winner takes all game shows where intelligence and beauty breed and feed commercial breaking success escaping inside unchanged sober death. Back in my joyless desperate daze, evening entertainments were best when loud screened and large opulence displayed to put off inevitable sinking down into troubled claustrophobic sleep. Dark mortality's lack of healthy and safe peace. Invitations to step outside felt threatening as sunlight burning unscreened ginger skin remembering painful fright. Requirements to make my autonomous living way, to become socially responsible, to pay my bills and dues, to voice a "please" to feel a "thank you" All these were impositions without access to integrity, much less joy, much more passion For courageous great transitions each dawning sunrise, to live rather than die as painlessly planned as possible, never more than a momentary decision to love together here rather than to fear apartheid now Although this slow-drip journey became my clear and present story into multicultural integrity, if not polypathic glory infusing compassion's communionation for restoring EarthTribe peace, rather than retributive madness, injustice to myself as sadly Other than health-wealth invitation. I returned to meditation on risks of joyless loss and silencing mortality in dialogue with engaging opportunities for healthy relationship and a safer life with other Losers struggling to feel sing dance whole and wealthy time in communioned worldview space, Perhaps eventually relearn how to integrate robust feeding grace of humane hopefilled place while watering full-sensory peaceful pace of divine encircling time Flowing through this ancient sentient mind recounting joyful rhymes of Earth's first blissful reasons teasing passion's poignant seasons.