Communion of Joy
I am curious about when
and how
you find joy,
or at least achieve brief contentment
during your day,
enduring your night,
endearing your days
between nights.
And, yes, also curious
about when you feel
slow-roasting anger
or at least short-term sparks
of fear
during our long-term night
of competing souls
thought more *****
than felt dear.
These questions come
speak
perform
from my own depressing experiences
mismanaging my dissociative skepticisms
about a surreal Patriarchal-Capitalist worldview
coming loud
and unreformed
LeftBrain
and StraightWhiteMale dominant
during daytime sexy soap operas,
and vicariously entertaining
winner takes all game shows
where intelligence
and beauty breed
and feed commercial breaking success
escaping inside unchanged
sober death.
Back in my joyless desperate daze,
evening entertainments were best
when loud screened
and large opulence displayed
to put off inevitable sinking down
into troubled claustrophobic sleep.
Dark mortality's lack
of healthy
and safe peace.
Invitations to step outside
felt threatening
as sunlight
burning unscreened
ginger skin
remembering painful
fright.
Requirements
to make my autonomous living way,
to become socially responsible,
to pay my bills and dues,
to voice a "please"
to feel a "thank you"
All these were impositions
without access to integrity,
much less joy,
much more passion
For courageous great transitions
each dawning sunrise,
to live
rather than die
as painlessly planned as possible,
never more than a momentary decision
to love together here
rather than to fear apartheid
now
Although this slow-drip journey
became my clear and present story
into multicultural integrity,
if not polypathic glory
infusing compassion's communionation
for restoring EarthTribe peace,
rather than retributive madness,
injustice to myself
as sadly Other
than health-wealth invitation.
I returned to meditation
on risks of joyless loss
and silencing mortality
in dialogue with engaging opportunities
for healthy relationship
and a safer life
with other Losers
struggling to feel
sing
dance whole
and wealthy time
in communioned worldview space,
Perhaps
eventually
relearn how to integrate
robust feeding grace
of humane hopefilled place
while watering full-sensory
peaceful pace
of divine encircling time
Flowing through this ancient sentient mind
recounting joyful rhymes
of Earth's first blissful reasons
teasing passion's poignant seasons.
Copyright © Gerald Dillenbeck | Year Posted 2022
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