Childish Impressions

....useless undertakings.... ...my best efforts were shot down...divided...fragmented... ...spirit pulled apart my exertion... dismantling me... ...I guess I was my tries.... ....leaving me looking at how I was rejected by the universe... So now, I no longer crusade for my own campaigns... ...the movement came apart and died.... and with it, took my drive and the pride of my drive.... ...it doesn't matter what my goal was... ...the attempts were my best... ...my all declined, resisted, turned away when my all was me.... What can I say? Obviously, my spirit is still broken and time looms on.... and on and on.... I've grown unsettled not being whole.... ....swimming amongst the puzzle pieces that once held the picture together...... the goal disassembled....a result left in parts.... ...and I long to move on, I do!. ...but action was what got me to this point... ...activity walked me onto the path of deconstruction over and over again.... How can I move on?.... Can I operate without doing? Can I proceed without process? How God? ...How? I know this isn't rational.... ....just cause my words get me into trouble doesn't mean I shouldn't speak... ....but my emotions reason for me.... ....and this is how it feels, feeling more real than breathe... than light.... than now.... these childish impressions leave me sensing premonitions that dispute function as a problem ...I can't do...doing sends me destruction.... ...but love is action... ... there is no other way... ...I need a miracle.... ...a shift in perception...