Childbirth

I ain’t a doctor and never will be, but one night I got into hot water, I was trying to help but it didn’t help me, the night a young wife had a daughter. And it all began with a sunset, and me underneath a palm tree, cutting some fronds off the palm, due to threats from the S.E.C. As I cut away fronds near the wire, a spike lanced into my hand, and try as I might to retrieve it, the flamin’ thing had made a stand. I couldn’t quite hold it with tweezers, and a needle could just feel the end, now seeing that it’s after hours, outpatients I’ll have to attend. And quietly I sat and I waited, my turn for the doctor to see, when a fellow stormed through the door, in panic he yelled, “Please help me!” “My wife is out there in a taxi, and right now she’s having a baby!” Swiftly the waiting room emptied, and the only one left there is me. So I ran to the aid of the father, and flung open the taxicab door, removing the young mothers clothes, and throwing them onto the floor. Her contractions were ever so close, I could tell by the way she did shout, so I yelled at her “Keep on pushing, and the baby will find its way out.” But she insisted on wanting to sit up, I laid across her, to hold her down, her legs and her arms were all flaying, and she really was going to town. Now I was beginning to panic, ‘cause I think her water just broke, and as I tried to feel for the baby, somebody grabbed me and spoke. It was the young mother’s husband, who thanked me but said, “You’re too late, my wife has delivered a girl, and you’re in the wrong taxi mate!”