Childbirth

I ain’t a doctor and never will be,
but one night I got into hot water,
I was trying to help but it didn’t help me,
the night a young wife had a daughter.

And it all began with a sunset,
and me underneath a palm tree,
cutting some fronds off the palm,
due to threats from the S.E.C.

As I cut away fronds near the wire,
a spike lanced into my hand,
and try as I might to retrieve it,
the flamin’ thing had made a stand.

I couldn’t quite hold it with tweezers,
and a needle could just feel the end,
now seeing that it’s after hours,
outpatients I’ll have to attend.

And quietly I sat and I waited,
my turn for the doctor to see,
when a fellow stormed through the door,
in panic he yelled, “Please help me!”

“My wife is out there in a taxi,
and right now she’s having a baby!”
Swiftly the waiting room emptied,
and the only one left there is me.

So I ran to the aid of the father,
and flung open the taxicab door,
removing the young mothers clothes,
and throwing them onto the floor. 

Her contractions were ever so close,
I could tell by the way she did shout,
so I yelled at her “Keep on pushing,
and the baby will find its way out.”

But she insisted on wanting to sit up,
I laid across her, to hold her down,
her legs and her arms were all flaying,
and she really was going to town.

Now I was beginning to panic,
‘cause I think her water just broke, 
and as I tried to feel for the baby,
somebody grabbed me and spoke.

It was the young mother’s husband,
who thanked me but said, “You’re too late,
my wife has delivered a girl,
and you’re in the wrong taxi mate!”
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Babcock Avatar
March 20, 2015 at 4:49 PM
Love your humor and had me smiling again with this poem. Surprised at the ending. love phyl
Laurie Avatar
March 21, 2015 at 5:15 PM
G'day Phyllis... it was actually a doctor that made the faux pas, but of course I had to make a hero of myself... or a fool of myself. Regards - Lindsay
Schneiter Avatar
February 19, 2015 at 8:04 AM
Lindsay, what a delightful sense of humor pervades this poem, together with a remarkably rendered rhyme. Wonderful! Thank you for sharing it.
Laurie Avatar
March 21, 2015 at 5:10 PM
G'day Paul... there are a number of incidents in this poem that are fact Paul, even the taxi trauma. Regards - Lindsay
Bettridge Avatar
February 7, 2015 at 11:31 AM
Good one 'LL. Nowadays, In politically correct 'OZ', Your poem's main character's good intentions might be misconstrued and he might well end up on the Sex Pest register for his 'efforts' in real life.
Laurie Avatar
February 9, 2015 at 8:26 PM
G'day Rob... You are dead right Rob. Explaining a situation like this to the cops might lead to an uncomfortable finale. Thanks for commenting and I'm still trying to find you on youtube. Regards - Lindsay
Hollywood-Cutts Avatar
February 1, 2015 at 7:34 AM
It was a good read Thanks. I had a flash back briefly to having my own babies. Except it wasn't is a taxi but I had everyone panicked about them. Such an ordeal just to have a baby to hold and love through childhood. I could almost envision someone standing there trying to help out but only making things worse
Laurie Avatar
February 2, 2015 at 5:00 PM
G'day there Bonnie... Thanks for reading and putting up a comment. I think in reality, most blokes would run a mile than put themselves in this situation, and I had a grin when you stated your own situation with panic around you. Regards - Lindsay
East Avatar
January 27, 2015 at 11:20 AM
It sounds to me that we share the joy of seeing the funny side life in most things. I really enjoyed your great little story. Keep up the good work - Best, Dennis
Laurie Avatar
January 29, 2015 at 1:45 AM
G'day Dennis... We certainly do, so you'll find quite a few comments coming your way over the next week or two. Thank you Dennis - Lindsay
Relish Avatar
January 27, 2015 at 2:22 AM
Lol... enjoyed your write... wonder what wkuld one feel like in such a situation#7 .. nad!
Laurie Avatar
January 29, 2015 at 1:38 AM
G'day Nadiya... Actually Nadiya, I would have liked to have asked the doctor this happened to although I just might have used a bit of poetic licence. Thank you Nadiya - Lindsay
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