Childbirth
I ain’t a doctor and never will be,
but one night I got into hot water,
I was trying to help but it didn’t help me,
the night a young wife had a daughter.
And it all began with a sunset,
and me underneath a palm tree,
cutting some fronds off the palm,
due to threats from the S.E.C.
As I cut away fronds near the wire,
a spike lanced into my hand,
and try as I might to retrieve it,
the flamin’ thing had made a stand.
I couldn’t quite hold it with tweezers,
and a needle could just feel the end,
now seeing that it’s after hours,
outpatients I’ll have to attend.
And quietly I sat and I waited,
my turn for the doctor to see,
when a fellow stormed through the door,
in panic he yelled, “Please help me!”
“My wife is out there in a taxi,
and right now she’s having a baby!”
Swiftly the waiting room emptied,
and the only one left there is me.
So I ran to the aid of the father,
and flung open the taxicab door,
removing the young mothers clothes,
and throwing them onto the floor.
Her contractions were ever so close,
I could tell by the way she did shout,
so I yelled at her “Keep on pushing,
and the baby will find its way out.”
But she insisted on wanting to sit up,
I laid across her, to hold her down,
her legs and her arms were all flaying,
and she really was going to town.
Now I was beginning to panic,
‘cause I think her water just broke,
and as I tried to feel for the baby,
somebody grabbed me and spoke.
It was the young mother’s husband,
who thanked me but said, “You’re too late,
my wife has delivered a girl,
and you’re in the wrong taxi mate!”
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