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Cheramoya My Bride

Outlining your face, wisps of gorgeous hair Within those wisps, beauty of no compare Adorning your face, the most beautiful smile Sometimes I forget, you have been mine all the while Deeper still two jewels for eyes And in them care with no compromise Love sparkling from inside Sometimes my love I did hide Anchoring your persona, two ears most sensitive All they have heard, considered most substantive And jewelry fades against lobes so tender Sometimes my time I have forgotten to render Creation perfection, lips of the greatest allure Words of kindness of love are spoken so pure Soft and luscious, they summon my soul Sometimes I conceal, your love is my goal Contemplating your beauty, I consider no flaw I gaze in adornment, full of hope and awe Pondering your love, it has enriched my life Sometimes I must proclaim, I love my wife

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

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Date: 8/30/2016 9:38:00 AM
I read the beautiful senryu you just posted prior to this and I incorrectly brought that mindset here and couldn't understand why there were so many words! I got realigned though and really enjoyed the poem. The second stanza stood out, obviously and it flows well but I'm curious (strictly curious not critical) why those particular words broke away from the rest into sort of a Shakespearian rhythm. It's very likely I'm just not deep enough to see it but I can claim geographical handicaps
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Garcia Avatar
Phillip Garcia
Date: 8/31/2016 11:04:00 AM
I understand that completely and I promise wasn't critical (in truth I prefer that kind of rhythm) I was just curious. It's excellent as it is - I I know the hell that is re-evaluation and I wouldn't wish that on you :)
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Ijm seven
Date: 8/30/2016 6:19:00 PM
you bring up a good point Phillip. Over the years of writing poetry I have mainly written when inspired. As of late, I am working on the discipline of poetry. Writing from the heart is a good start but often requires time to consider, edit, and alteration. I did not take the time to to such with this poem. I thank you for your comment and I will re-evaluate the second stanza.