Cheap Plastic Surgery

Was tired of my wrinkles and crinkles around my eyes, the ones around my mouth and my forehead on my face, and couldn't afford the real thing so thought I'd use some clear duct tape, applying it around my mouth, forehead and eyes, that way my skin will look newer and smoother than a baby's behind, and then thought oh what the heck I'll use it on my boobs at the same time, stretching the tape out and wrapping it for a lift all around my chest, that way it'll look like that area gravity had missed, and then I thought might as well apply some to my rear end, applying the tape so my butt looked tight again, and then being on a roll I took some more tape to my thighs and calves, to make them look more sleek and toned, like a models in Cosmopolitan, but then I noticed trying to answer the door after the bell rang, that I'd become sort of like the tin man, because I couldn't walk and talk and desperately needed an oil can!