Career Angst

Studying for hours on a subject that I love and despise Grappling with words and definitions Trying to make sense out of all the confusion and complexities Of ethical hacking, security, and intrusion detection Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing Studying technology rather than art or the humanities For within them my passion lies But somehow I am always drawn to the almighty dollar Knowing I can make a living, even if it kills my soul Anxiety-ridden, insecurity-driven And I march on, like a good soldier Pursuing that which allows me to survive Who was it that says there are two sides to every person? I’ve often thought that, although for me it isn’t good or bad But rather heart and mind, soul and survival Starving artist or thriving consultant For three years I sailed around the world Hoping I’d found my new calling in life But in the end, reason took over, and I returned Like a pig to the trough, consuming ideas and information To shore up my vessel, preparing it for another journey Into the vast oceans of the world, all my futures Depend on my success here My soul cries out, hoping I have made the right choice Allowing me to pursue my passions, through monetary gains A boat cannot buy itself The money must come from somewhere In a perfect world, money would not be required We would be free to pursue our passions Without worry of the cost, or the inability to feed ourselves But alas, this is not the world I live in, despite my desires So I must carry on, study on, memorizing definitions and algorithms Passing the tests is all that matters now To earn my degree, gain the new skills Keeping my eye on the prize And someday, sailing off into the sunset, with my pockets full of the gold pieces required, to blow the man down --All my writings are at mraymus.medium.com