Can'T Think

i dont know if im dreaming the right dream all i keep thinking about is what used to be i want it all to change but something is stopping me blocking me from something that i can not foresee i feel so hurt and confused as time goes by but what puzzles me is that fact that i dont know why i feel like escaping from this invisible cage tearing off the chains and live life my way been blamed for ruining a life those words beaded within me stabbing me like a knife constantly repeating itself in my head how i desperately wanting it all to end i feel like im doing it again to the one i love ruining their life and caging them in all i want is this feeling of guilt to end i dont know if im dreaming the right dream should my future truly be bright and happy? am i being selfish for dreaming such a dream? i ruined ones life and i feel like im ruining another i dont deserve happiness of such or any other i should just end it all and stay in a dream one of hate and disparity thats the dream i should dream............................