Can You Hear Me -After Dayshaveronica

Mama says I’m beautiful I’m smart I’m loved If this is true Then why don’t you like me, mama? How can you hurt me? How can you face it with empty apologies? “You aren’t skinny like those girls on TV” “That shirt makes you look fat.” “Why can’t you be normal?!” But why should it matter, mama? Why should I care? Nothing hurts me more Than when you look at me And tell me that I’ve gained weight That if I dress like that no guy is going to like me That you don’t like me Because of who I am I’m either your joyous religious daughter Or a confused minuscule apostate But when I try to plead You consume my speech with irrationality Your body responds with “Have you been taking your medication?” Almost like I can’t have my own ideas Without my mental illness speaking for me Mama, you never speak with your mind I either am Too much or not enough Too skinny or too fat Too happy or too sad Rational or crazy mama, can you hear me? I have a woman’s body I love who I love I believe what I believe And I will not apologize for that It’s who I became Because of you So how can you make me feel this overwhelming guilt? This love, this style, our differences You’re the one who blessed me with these immaculate properties So how can you feel so terribly about the person I am? These questions aren’t out of confusion, ignorance, disrespect, or misunderstanding. I just wish you’d think with your mind rather your body To think about these things These terrible things you say to me I’ve lived with this for years the guilt you forced upon me But why can’t I feel this hurt without it being about your trauma? But this is how they trick us, mama How they keep us silent But I refuse to be quiet anymore I want to love without feeling guilty Without you seeing me as just another confused ***** I want to be a sexual being Without you thinking of me as another easy harlot I want you to see me as more than my sexuality That you still see me as your daughter My sexuality does not define who I am, mama And it’s nobody’s business but mine I don’t owe you an explanation, mama But mama says I’m beautiful I’m smart I’m loved But if this is true, mama I need you to believe me I need you to have my back But mama, Can you hear me?