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Can You Believe It

One Liners 4 (can you believe it) For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain Definitely a sales pitch, stain is quite large When people tell you how young you're looking lately They're also telling you how old you are Okay Scottie, now beam down my clothes, not funny Think you can get away with that spacey stuff What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Hmm, methinks that'll end up quite rough Here's a puzzle, why don't women blink during foreplay? Because they don't really have enough time Ever heard of a blink of an eye... well there you go Anything longer is considered overtime Remember half the people you know are below average Hmm, good point... feel 50% better now? A journey of a thousand miles starts with a broken fan belt Why do psychics ask your name for cryin' out loud Get a new car for your spouse, it'll really be a great trade Some of my best friends are other guys' wives More impressive when others discover your good qualities Without your help... than having to resort to lies Jitterbugs are hard to get rid of, but I've got a solution Stop playing that damn boogie-woogie stuff Time is the best teacher, too bad it kills all of its students Often thought of putting stuff in her **** Those of you that believe in telekinesis, raise my hand So you in the back, best you go to the loo Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them Maybe the army should be a little less true If a mechanic tells you he can't fix your brakes So he made your horn much louder and how A man was in a car accident, it made his left side paralyzed Doc said, "After examination, he'll be all right now"