By the By

while you smile at me, i'll try to pry the smirk off my face. and as your giggles fade without a trace, i'll erase any remnants of my tough guy mask. all you have to do is ask, don't bother playing pretty girl eyes, i despise games and disguises. lies leap out at me quicker than fruit flies flock to old moldy apples. true, i do tend to spit a few of my own, but now that i'm a grown up i can own up to them, and i won't pee in a cup and tell you it's lemonade. i've made that mistake before, or that mistake made me regret a bet i made against myself, to take that bait. now, as i wait for idealized and unrealistic expectations to be fulfilled, i'm still not thrilled with the outcomes, or lack thereof. like a glove it's fitting, that of all the times i've tried to jive with bull***** and high five people that deprive me of self-confidence, this thick tube of tainted attraction sticks with me, and eats away at my teeth and tongue, like a battery acid toothpaste. it makes me weak, and burns my cheek, i just don't want to speak about a crack that caused a vulnerability leak. now i'm on a streak of sick decisions. i might still seek visions and delusions of that happy place, where i've still managed to save face, after all, my fall from grace, certainly was not graceful.