By the By

while you smile at me, i'll try to pry
the smirk off my face. and as your giggles fade
without a trace, i'll erase any remnants
of my tough guy mask.  all you have to do is ask,
don't bother playing pretty girl eyes,
i despise games and disguises.  lies leap out at me
quicker than fruit flies flock to old moldy apples.
true, i do tend to spit a few of my own,
but now that i'm a grown up i can own up to them,
and i won't pee in a cup and tell you it's lemonade.
i've made that mistake before, or that mistake made me
regret a bet i made against myself, to take that bait.
now, as i wait for idealized and unrealistic expectations
to be fulfilled, i'm still not thrilled with the outcomes,
or lack thereof.

like a glove it's fitting, that of
all the times i've tried to jive with bull***** and high five
people that deprive me of self-confidence,
this thick tube of tainted attraction sticks with me,
and eats away at my teeth and tongue,
like a battery acid toothpaste.  it makes me weak,
and burns my cheek, i just don't want to speak
about a crack that caused a vulnerability leak.
now i'm on a streak of sick decisions.
i might still seek visions and delusions of that happy place,
where i've still managed to save face,
after all, my fall from grace,
certainly was not graceful.

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