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BROKEN BLEEDING HEART

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"How can the dead be truly dead when they still live in the souls of those who are left behind?" —Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter Which moron invented the term joy-riding tell me... where is the pleasure? An innocent cyclist mown down by a stolen car my only son ... left dying in the gutter - he didn’t stand a chance Six months later... I sit in silence in the juvenile court to observe four mealy mouthed little toe rags with sneering sniveling faces No one will admit to being the driver They stand in a line in front of the judge He orders they are sent to a young offenders institution They will be out after a short time... Yet my precious child has a life sentence ... in a cedar casket on my mantelpiece My life will never be the same but I take small comfort knowing that my son carried a donor card life support turned off organs to be harvested in death he gives life FICTION POEM Writing Challenge 2, July 2019 Melancholy- Poetry Contest Sponsored by Broken Wings 7/21/19

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 7/28/2019 4:44:00 AM
This isn't a nice poem. There's some terrible imagery here. I'd make a suggestion about the line: 'Yet my precious child has a life sentence...' and there's potential in the 'donor card'.
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Date: 7/24/2019 1:45:00 PM
Very powerful and so apt to many. Glad you got a top placement with this great poem. Congratulations.
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Date: 7/24/2019 12:56:00 PM
Jan, congratulations on your win in my writing challenge with this great write, you do fiction perfectly, you could write a book, sure of it- well done !
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Date: 7/23/2019 9:33:00 PM
Congrats on your win in the contest, Jan, with this 'Vintage Jan Allison' narration. Well done. ~ gw
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Date: 7/23/2019 6:34:00 PM
These circumstances could certainly be real Jan. Things like this unjustly happen all the time. You put a lot of feeling into this poignant piece. Constance is sure to love it! I do! xxoo : )
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Date: 7/23/2019 6:01:00 PM
Nicely done :)
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Date: 7/23/2019 12:47:00 PM
Hi Jan. Such sadness from this. I feel the despair for those who suffer such loss. But those who do these selfish reckless acts will learn one day 'what goes around comes around'. No one can escape the higher justice, for we are one in the cosmic mind. Take care Jan. Tony
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Date: 7/22/2019 8:55:00 AM
Powerfully sad, a poignant point,you have penned. Food for thought.
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Date: 7/22/2019 5:45:00 AM
Your poem inspired lots of fear and sadness in me for sure. Melancholy. Yes. But it resounded of truth. I am glad you typed FICTION POEM for that is a relief. But for others, it is not a fiction poem, thus the ring of truth. Nicely done Jan. Bravo!
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Date: 7/21/2019 3:08:00 PM
You have just disclosed why helpless people create gods in hopes of, "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord!" Good thing your son is finally home safe! Aloha! Rico
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 7/21/2019 3:24:00 PM
He goes back tomorrow... and thankfully he doesn't ride any sort of bike:-) but sadly these tragedies happen:-( The contest wanted sad i hope Constance ;likes it:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/21/2019 2:31:00 PM
A tragic write Jan, and you hear of it happening in real life. Justice is a joke and the toe rags seem to thrive on it even filming it. A sick society we live in for sure. Good luck. Tom. PS. Hope your hand better now.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 7/21/2019 3:23:00 PM
Hi Tom,thankfully for me its fiction but sadly these tragedies do happen .Last week we went to a talk on the manx Prison service it was incredibly informative and there is a fly on the wall type documentary series starting on 31st July. Don't get me stared on sentences so short they just get straight out and offend again:-( hugs jan xx
Date: 7/21/2019 1:13:00 PM
It happens every day...hard to explain...it seems unfair without recourse ...Very emotional write...Well done
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 7/21/2019 1:18:00 PM
Thanks Arturo I like to surprise with the odd serious poem but Constance's contests often inspire me to write sad poetry rather than humour:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/21/2019 1:02:00 PM
- Fighting for justice ... not easy - A really sad picture in this writing, Jan (glad it is fiction and your son is with you ) - One deceased donor can save up to seven lives ... it is fantastic :) - Good luck in the contest :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 7/21/2019 1:05:00 PM
My son is home until tomorrow, sadly I've read of tragedies like this where the perpetrators get given a comparatively short sentence:-( hugs Jan xx