Broken

You are broken, brought down and discarded So you made my life a living hell by fueling my thoughts with your fragments Sometimes I feel that the half of me that is half of you, is losing control and running lose All your insanties and mistakes have made me anxious and afraid I’m not sure why you think you deserve anything from me But my love for you, as much as I hate it, will never dissipate Though you gave me something that destroys me day by day Like the gift of life sometimes I wish you would just take it away You are broken, “shot down by love” That love you tell me you still hold Whenever I think i’m rid of you You find your way back in my life again Like fine china Your beauty on the outside captivates me I'm sorry that the life you imagined to have didn’t work out for you Where my mom would come back from work, kiss you on the cheek and declare how much she loves you Or where your daughter would be the princess in carnival and the life of the party, baby girl I’m sorry that you feel your still a “father” When I had someone to fill your shoes for 16 years now 11 years of calls on my birthday 2 years and all you could do is ask for a place to stay 2 years and all you could do is tell me how I owe you things 1 year and I haven't heard from you since. Did you expect me to be groveling on my knees, begging my mom to help you When you never helped me But sometimes I feel I can't blame you Schizophrenia is rough One that gives you false memories Hallucinations Deceptions All the crazy things you’ve done and put me through Your ideas and view on life Putting a picture of me and my mom in the middle of a pentagon Threatening to show me how to “treat a man” Yet telling me how much you love me and wonder why I don’t talk to you But then I have to remember That there’s something wrong with you Im broken Some shards were shattered by the things you do But nonetheless I still love you Even though you frighten me Making my heart beat a thousand times per second The memories I have with you, I was a child. Someone who just took whatever you gave out I wish I had the memory of a good relationship with you One that was natural or maybe brand new The more I make my mind manifest monstrous memories of you The more I let my actions be controlled by you. Though we’re both broken I hope we can work to fix it Maybe when you start taking life more serious And I find peaceful tranquility within myself.