'breaking the Trauma Bond'

'Breaking the Trauma Bond' Do you still like me? Let me count the ways. The tired old familiar abuse, The ugly scowl, The “get outta here’s!” “Don’t give me that kind of sh..t!!” Vile venom heaped upon an unwary lover. I’ve been sucker punched, again. Fallen for the antics of yet another Unwilling, unable, unstable, and uncommitted to anything Other than his own pain and confusion. Oh, good! Someone NEW to hate! I know what comes next. The gifts I have given Treasures I’ve shared, Regard, respect, admiration, adoration and affection Willingly offered And received, Crudely discarded. Run through the disposal Put out with the garbage Neatly packed and Hauled off to storage. Archived with All the other Past violations, Slanders and Cruel rebuffs. My body is crushed. My spine is mangled. My nerves are seared. “I don’t NEED any more PAIN!” I wail Mentally shuffling through Well-worn files of Past encounters. Rage rises, The Ogre is demonized. Humiliated and dis-graced Tears fall from fresh wounds. I take refuge In dreams resplendent Of laughter, pleasure Joy and enjoyment Where wishes of the wisher are fulfilled, Where food and delight are found. Fueling fond fantasies of nobility of character, Decency and courage An Equal. Bitter tears cease, Fury finally fades. And yet curiously, The guilt remains. I choke on the olive branch of forgiveness, Again.