Bread and Butter Issues

They were stopping everyone; made us answer their questionnaires. We were told that there were no right or wrong answers, but weeks later - a letter. Apparently the socially correct had a beef with me. A ham sandwich had recently been indicted and jailed. One of the questions I replied to smelled slightly off, seditious salami flavored sins had been detected. A tuna casserole had declared independence from rainy Wednesdays. Now the fridge is being audited, there's something fishy in the air, and the cops are hiding in my rose bushes taking recipe notes. I have complained to Yelp.