Bottom of the Bottle

I slowly twist the whiskey lid and sniff at the smell of my addiction, This feeling of depression somehow make’s me feel better, While at the same time want to hang for my sorrows. Self-pity reaches a whole new dimension as I lift the bottle to my lips, I stop, And think would this be better with ice? I don’t care ether way, But still I pour it into the pint glass anyway, Half way, Don’t stop yet. The glass is full but still I pour another, was I expecting company? I don’t remember. I take a deep breath and swallow down my pint, With the rest of my sanity, My eyes start to droop and my head spins, Should a young boy feel like this? Who cares? I slowly walk towards my window, I can just fly away from this life, Can’t I? let’s find out, The wind blows across my face as I close my eyes but I don’t fly, Why? Oh it’s them again. The voice’s stop me from flying away, They want to hold me back, To see me suffer with them, I feel there eye’s watching, Waiting, Their arms are long, No not long just thin almost nothing at all, They begin to talk, Whispering evil and sin into my soul. I listen to what they have to say while trying to close my eye’s and hold back the tears, They tell me to not be afraid, I am… They say they wish to show me something, I open my eye’s, Then I spot someone, barely just out of the corner of my eye, I turn and there she is, No… God please no… Not here, WHY HERE??? Please anywhere but here, Once again I watch her walk to the edge, A train passes but I don’t see it, As I stand once again helpless I see that same smile on her face, She thinks she can fly… I shout.. I scream.. But I can not move. I try to close my eye’s but I can’t, I have to watch again… just like the last time, The tears won’t stop coming now, I gaze once again at her loving face as she begins to fly, I try to move, To run, To reach, To catch her but I can’t, I have no choice but to watch, Then there it is, I hear the shattering sound as she hit’s the ground, I see the blood though my tears. I feel the shame and guilt all over again, Should a young girl feel the way she did? The way I made her feel? Did she know how much I loved her? Needed her? Need her now? I sit and shake in the corner of my small room, No one came, No one heard my cry’s, I take another deep breath and swallow down my extra pint then I pick up the bottle, I push and force down the last drops then gaze into the bottom, I cry.. No answers here ether. I take out another bottle, slowly twist the lid and sniff at my addiction. I look for answers.